Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Rapture Comes, Leaves Slow Walkers Behind

May 5, 2017 by

If you read this headline and it was news to you, that means one thing: You were left behind.
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Buffalo Chicken Betrayal: IV Deli Mart Swaps Fry Type

May 4, 2017 by

In the past few weeks, students may have noticed a slight alteration in a renowned delicacy at IV Deli Mart.
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New Cheadle Hall Renovations Are Something to A-Door

May 2, 2017 by

Through a series of collaborative efforts spearheaded by a small committee composed of C.A.P.S. and other various campus faculty, Cheadle Hall was recently renovated as part of the campus’s new When...
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Guess what, It’s Gonna Be MAY

May 1, 2017 by

To celebrate the coming of May, we remember the great hits of the mascots of the month, *NSYNC.
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Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus

April 27, 2017 by

Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.
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Fraternity Rituals Explained with Frat Phil

April 26, 2017 by

Out of the supreme zesty-ness of my heart, I’ve decided to share some of my hazing methods and rituals.
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Film Studies TA Offers Extra Office Hours to Discuss New Zelda Game

April 24, 2017 by

The start of the new Spring Quarter brought about the usual chaos of students changing sections, crashing classes and purchasing textbooks. In an effort to combat this recurring calamity, Film Studies...
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Beach Cruiser Biker Gangs Strike Terror in the Hearts of UCSB Students

April 21, 2017 by

Recent reports show a new biker gang, formally known as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsers, has infiltrated our beloved UCSB campus.
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When Your Roommate Leaves for the Weekend: Expectation versus Reality

April 21, 2017 by

In college, having a room to yourself is a rare and treasured occurrence. Often, however, the reality doesn’t live up to your glorious weekend plans.
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Ask Eggbert: Advice for Incoming Freshmen

April 20, 2017 by

In this installment, Eggbert will answer the burning, itchy questions of committed incoming UCSB freshmen as well as prospective students!
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Top 7 Household Items to Use as Back-Up Condoms

April 14, 2017 by

You reach for your nightstand, open the drawer and BAM: no rubbers.
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Frat Boy Creates 8th Day of Week to Spend More Time with ‘The Boys’

April 11, 2017 by

Traditionally, only Saturdays have been for the boys, but now, more and more days are being consumed by this ritual.
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Literal River of Alcohol Runs Through DP During Deltopia

April 10, 2017 by

This year’s alcohol-infused festivities included the creation of a lazy liquor river through the crowded street.
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Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

April 7, 2017 by

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.
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UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

April 5, 2017 by

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.
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