Nexustentialism

May 10, 2018

Couple Publicly Spooning Outside Lecture Hall Has Really Good Reason for It We Promise

By Annie Pepper

It has totally strengthened our relationship.

May 9, 2018

UC Releases Additional Statement on AFSCME 3299 Strike

By Trigh Me

The University of California has released an additional statement regarding their stance on the strike.

May 8, 2018

Pubes Still Pissed You Shaved Them, Promise Vengeance

By Your Pubes

We didn’t say it was easy being well groomed.

May 7, 2018

Jewish Frat Boy Asks, “Is Eating Pussy Kosher for Passover?”

By Camille Horenstein

And Tiffany asked, “what’s Passover?”

May 3, 2018

Nice! This Student Didn’t Even Need to Get Laid to Do Walk of Shame

By Kian Karamdashti

The Isla Vista Walk of Shame is upon you.

May 1, 2018

Daddy Yang, You’re Not the Father

By Carly Kay

A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.

April 30, 2018

Local Bros Experience the Price of Viral Fame

By Kian Karamdashti

You know how some people use the bible as guidance in everyday life? We use Barstool Sports.

April 27, 2018

New TA Excited to Mansplain to Female Students

By Hannah Jackson

Spring quarter is here and nobody is more excited than freshly minted TA Seth Jameson.

April 27, 2018

Rodney Raccoon To Run for A.S. President, A.S. Hopefuls Are Shook

By Christina Muoio

It’s time raccoons get the representation they deserve.

April 25, 2018

Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

By Lil Furnace

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.

April 24, 2018

Roommate Poops So Fast It’s Intimidating

By Ivana Bangaman

Who the fuck does she think she is?

April 20, 2018

Looking to Get Stressed Out? Here Are Some Natural Disasters UCSB Could Maybe Face

By Clayton Alexander

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

April 19, 2018

I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

By Ivana Bangaman

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.

April 17, 2018

University to Replace C.A.P.S. with New Subway

By Hannah Jackson

This week the university announced plans to eliminate Counseling & Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) and replace it with a new Subway. “We have made the executive decision that three Subways in a square mile radius...

April 16, 2018

Fratastrophe: The Diary of Bidless Chad

By Chad Simpleton

It happened, I didn’t get into a frat, again.

April 13, 2018

Here’s Some Irony for Ya: Deltopia Fencing Leading Cause of Injury Over Weekend

By Anat Katzir

Students were greeted with an extravagant display of wire fencing throughout Isla Vista.