Nexustentialism

May 3, 2018

Nice! This Student Didn’t Even Need to Get Laid to Do Walk of Shame

By Kian Karamdashti

The Isla Vista Walk of Shame is upon you.

May 1, 2018

Daddy Yang, You’re Not the Father

By Carly Kay

A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.

April 30, 2018

Local Bros Experience the Price of Viral Fame

By Kian Karamdashti

You know how some people use the bible as guidance in everyday life? We use Barstool Sports.

April 27, 2018

New TA Excited to Mansplain to Female Students

By Hannah Jackson

Spring quarter is here and nobody is more excited than freshly minted TA Seth Jameson.

April 27, 2018

Rodney Raccoon To Run for A.S. President, A.S. Hopefuls Are Shook

By Christina Muoio

It’s time raccoons get the representation they deserve.

April 25, 2018

Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

By Lil Furnace

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.

April 24, 2018

Roommate Poops So Fast It’s Intimidating

By Vianna Mabanag

Who the fuck does she think she is?

April 20, 2018

Looking to Get Stressed Out? Here Are Some Natural Disasters UCSB Could Maybe Face

By Clayton Alexander

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

April 19, 2018

I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

By Vianna Mabanag

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.

April 17, 2018

University to Replace C.A.P.S. with New Subway

By Hannah Jackson

This week the university announced plans to eliminate Counseling & Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) and replace it with a new Subway. “We have made the executive decision that three Subways in a square mile radius...

April 16, 2018

Fratastrophe: The Diary of Bidless Chad

By Chad Simpleton

It happened, I didn’t get into a frat, again.

April 13, 2018

Here’s Some Irony for Ya: Deltopia Fencing Leading Cause of Injury Over Weekend

By Anat Katzir

Students were greeted with an extravagant display of wire fencing throughout Isla Vista.

April 11, 2018

‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

By Sorority Sally

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.

April 10, 2018

Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

By Emma Demorest

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.

April 9, 2018

CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

By Claire Horsley

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.

April 6, 2018

10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

By Gia Cephal

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.