Nexustentialism

April 11, 2018

‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

By Sorority Sally

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.

April 10, 2018

Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

By Emma Demorest

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.

April 9, 2018

CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

By Claire Horsley

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.

April 6, 2018

10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

By Gia Cephal

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.

April 5, 2018

Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

By Hannah Jackson

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.

April 3, 2018

My Mom Reacts To My Articles

By Christina Muoio

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.

March 30, 2018

How to Sexile Your Parents During Spring Break

By Candace Dunkin

The advice you’ve all been waiting for.

March 20, 2018

Student with Poor Music Taste Suffers Ruptured Eardrums in Davidson

By Emily Anne Williams

“I wish I had listened to my mom when I still could."

March 20, 2018

The 10 Commandments to Get Through Finals Week

By Anat Katzir

Surprise! Life isn’t perfect. I’m fucking stressed, for one.

March 19, 2018

Student Puts Juul Pods Above Blue Books, Fails Finals

By Juules Vern

He doesn't regret his choice.

March 17, 2018

UCSB Psychology Study Finds Best Way to Relieve Stress is to Sigh Loudly at Davidson Library

By Ricardo Moreno

The passive aggression in the room was palpable.

March 15, 2018

Student’s Glare Fails to Thwart Study Group from Invading Library Table

By Hannah Jackson

Residents of neighboring tables looked on with mixed sympathy and frustration.

March 14, 2018

How to Celebrate Not Turning 21: A Guide to Surviving Your 2 Lamest Birthdays

By Christina Muoio

If you’re between the ages of 19 and 20, the excitement of your special day has long faded.

March 13, 2018

Students Graduate 1 Quarter Early, No One Cares

By Erin Lubitz

I mean, it’s just a quarter. It’s not good or bad. Just what they did.

March 12, 2018

Free Water of Isla Vista, Ranked

By Ryan Watt

Scenario. It’s summer:  you’re just getting out of your last class of the day.

March 9, 2018

Confused First Year Thought He’d Have More Sex By Now

By Emma Demorest

Flynn really thought this would be “his year”, as far as sexual escapades go.