Courtesy of E!

UCSB — After spending the better part of a 12-hour Associated Students Senate meeting on Wednesday that refused to pass the agenda to be able to vote on a resolution to divest from companies that profit from alleged human rights violations in Israel and Palestine, Associated Students unanimously came to the decision that the real vote was on the friendships made along the way.

“I know we didn’t decide on anything or even discuss it, but I was stoked to get to sit next to my buddy all night,” stated one of the 12 senators who walked out, never to return. “We left to bond over some early morning Caje acai bowls!” she continued, referring to the abrupt 5 a.m. meeting end.

The Senate had wasted no time in deciding that 10 hours of sitting in place would be enough time to convince people that they were really thinking about things.

“I realized early on that if I scrunched up my face and made good eye contact, students would think I was listening to their point of view,” added another senator.

Halfway through the meeting, a group of a dozen or so of these senators concluded in their secret group chat (~*A$ $eNaToRs*~) that it’d be easy enough to sit in both a state of boredom and one of feigned concern for what the 89-or-so speakers had to say.

“We call it our two-state solution,” a senator told us proudly, elaborating on how he handled the situation. “My mom says I’m really accomplished for my age,” he continued, refusing to note that people in other parts of the world are, in fact, dying.

The actual vote on divestment will be postponed, potentially until next week, but the friendships made along the way are strong and well.


Ollie Tabooger and Mookie hope to inspire A.S. to actually do their job, even if it’s hard sometimes.