Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

October 8, 2026

Fashion-forward I.V. landlord doesn’t want to fix plumbing

By High Value Female

As Paris Fashion Week comes to a close, multiple brands have left quite an impression on their viewers. Matières Fécales — which literally translates to fecal matter — is a fashion house that has risen to prominenc...

October 8, 2026

UCSB announces three new sororities for girls who hate sororities

By Kitty Funk

If traditional sorority life isn't for you, rest assured: UC Santa Barbara just announced three new chapters coming winter quarter that might finally fit your niche.

October 8, 2026

Collapsing frat house really thinks it will survive El Niño

By Jesse Joint

As fall quarter at UC Santa Barbara commences, many students are now cast in the shadow of the ominous El Niño, a climate event beginning to shake not only the foundation of the coast, but Isla Vista's most equestrian-f...

October 1, 2026

UCSB announces full-campus renovation one week into the academic year

By Serrano Ham

On Sept. 31, UC Santa Barbara released unexpected campus construction plans that will commence immediately. The plans detail an incredibly lengthy and complex renovation of almost all buildings and infrastructure. These ...

October 1, 2026

Shocking: “Freshman 15” revealed to be psyop by Big Lettuce

By Ivanna Doomscroll

In a revelation that has shocked college freshmen and still-bitter post-grads across the nation, the notorious “freshman 15” has been revealed to be a myth constructed by Big Lettuce in order to sell more salads.

September 24, 2026

UC system announces major rebranding of UCSB

By Serrano Ham

On Friday, Sept. 11 the University of California system announced a major change to one of its most recognizable campuses, revealing that UCSB will no longer stand for University of California, Santa Barbara.

August 27, 2026

Local drunkards host fundraiser to rebuild Deja Vu Cafe

By Joseph R. Biden

Beloved Isla Vista late-night establishment Deja Vu Cafe burned on Aug. 18, scaring high-functioning alcoholics for miles. The Isla Vista community consequently started a GoFundMe, planned multiple fundraising events and...

August 27, 2026

What your UCSB tour guide never told you

By Serrano Ham

The month before the start of the academic year at UC Santa Barbara always finds incoming freshmen in varying states of preparedness. However, whether you have tirelessly researched the clubs the school offers, or not ev...

August 5, 2026

New UCSB Bachelor of Science in artificial intelligence creates professor job insecurity

By Serrano Ham

Ahead of the 2026-27 academic year, professors at UC Santa Barbara are finding themselves increasingly concerned about job security. The Robert Mehrabian College of Engineering recently announced a new Bachelor of Scienc...

July 19, 2026

World Cup faces backlash over “colonial optics”

By Serrano Ham

The 2026 FIFA World Cup came under intense scrutiny this week after cultural critics claimed the tournament had become indistinguishable from a European history textbook. Activists have accused FIFA of promoting “syste...

July 2, 2026

The fall of Santa Rosa and the end of civilization

By Serrano Ham

In what some have been calling “the boom heard around the world,” the mighty Santa Rosa Residence Hall, a beloved, if not somewhat misunderstood, member of UC Santa Barbara’s primarily first-year neighborhood, the ...

May 28, 2026

Best ways to ensure a return offer from your summer internship

By Joseph R. Biden

With spring quarter coming to an end, many students may anticipate summer fun: trading in the sunny Isla Vista lifestyle for eight hours behind a desk everyday at a summer internship.

May 28, 2026

Best ways to NOT accept that you’re graduating

By Serrano Ham

Society always seems to warn against peaking in high school: “The best years of your life are still ahead of you,” “High school doesn’t define who you are.” But what are we supposed to do once we have lived thr...

May 28, 2026

Seven ways to have the least self-destructive breakup

By D Indica

So your partner broke up with you. Maybe this was the guy you’ve been dating since high school and you went through the whole long-distance ordeal in a desperate attempt to make it work.

May 21, 2026

Dominic Fike plays iconic ‘Euphoria’ song at Extravaganza

By Mikaela St. James

Last weekend, Extravaganza headliner Dominic Fike shocked the audience by doing a surprise performance of his original song from “Euphoria” season two during his set.