Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Shocking! Freshman hates roommate

August 14, 2025 by

With the beginning of the 2025-26 school year approaching, freshmen at UC Santa Barbara may have physically survived the gauntlet of room selection, but some have found that their relationships with t...
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CALPIRG off the chain

August 6, 2025 by

In the wake of the United States Environmental Protection Agency announcing its decision to withdraw its classification of greenhouse gases as harmful to public health and welfare, the California Publ...
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UCSB to replace one-third of students with AI

July 29, 2025 by

In a daring leap towards the future, UC Santa Barbara has recently announced plans to replace a third of its student body with artificial intelligence by the summer of 2026.
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5 activities to keep yourself entertained in Isla Vista over summer

July 22, 2025 by

Isla Vista: the unincorporated community where the streets are typically filled with bikers on their phones, drivers on their phones and inebriated pedestrians—usually on their phones.  From Sep...
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Timely warning: Freshman season has begun

July 14, 2025 by

It happens like clockwork: as soon as decisions are released and commitments are made, they come in droves. The word is bitter on the tongue and makes the mouth twist with disgust. Freshmen. 
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UCSB students overwhelmed by abundance of high-paying job offers

July 6, 2025 by

In the wake of the booming American economy, thousands of UC Santa Barbara students are taking to social media, overwhelmed by the countless number of high-paying internships and job opportunities the...
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A.S. resolution condemns war, Middle East declares peace

June 29, 2025 by

World peace was declared on Wednesday after UC Santa Barbara’s Associated Students passed a resolution to condemn war. Fearing they would become the next victim in a long list of global organization...
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Best ways to establish dominance over your roommate

May 29, 2025 by

Ever wondered how to establish dominance over your roommate? Well look no further, these are the best ways to become the alpha.
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Best song to play on guitar for girls: Wonderwall

May 29, 2025 by

Fellas, get rid of your feminist literature books and false love for matcha, as the fastest way to get ladies to drop their panties in today's day and age is a half-tuned guitar and a semi-courageous,...
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Best way to skip lecture

May 29, 2025 by

By this time of the year, all you degenerates have already skipped at least one or two lectures. And if you say you haven’t, then you’re a liar and a degenerate. Skipping a lecture is an art form,...
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Best way to manipulate women: Music

May 29, 2025 by

Daily Nexus sources have found that the best way to manipulate a woman is to display an interest in her music taste. Upon meeting her, a man should inquire about said music taste, gaining bonus points...
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Best place to walk: Campus bike paths

May 29, 2025 by

Sometimes, walking on the sidewalks or pathways on campus can be so treacherous. It can be uneven, dusty and humiliating. Thankfully, UC Santa Barbara already has dedicated, even walkways for pedestri...
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Best way to set your dorm fire alarm off: Aerosol flamethrower

May 29, 2025 by

A constant in the life of a residential UCSB student is the ever-present fear of fire alarms going off at any hour, day or night. You have not truly lived in the dorms until you have been on the lawn ...
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I.V. celebrates AAPI Month by opening another ambiguous Asian restaurant

May 22, 2025 by

As a Bay Area native, I grew up surrounded by authentic, world-class Asian cuisine. Classic dim sum, delicious pho, fresh sushi and so much more were always within reach. However, I always took issue ...
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Groundbreaking: Local white person feels “deep connection” to Hawai‘i

May 15, 2025 by

Catherine Kegel, a second-year biology major at UC Santa Barbara, announced in her ANTH3 section on Friday that she feels “deeply connected” to the Hawaiian islands after her most recent family va...
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