The Daily Stench

First day of school dos and don’ts for freshmen

September 8, 2023 by

Print this out, laminate it and carry it around at all times for easy perusal.
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Everyone is in Europe this summer except for you

July 18, 2023 by

The nausea that you get from being on TikTok for 15 hours every day is the nausea you wish was from a 15 hour flight to Spain.
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Shocking! Depressed stoner guy not ready for a relationship right now

July 4, 2023 by

Shortly after confessing his deep feelings for Marcy, Deulu decided it was time to end things.
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Letter to Disney: I want MILF Padmé

July 4, 2023 by

Honestly, it’s just a really bad financial decision on your part; she would’ve been so popular.
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This AAPI Month I’m celebrating by asking all my friends to bring me a platter of cut fruit

May 29, 2023 by

Ahh, the sweet sound of healthy communication.
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Starbucks Unveils “Butter Chicken Frappuccino” After Success of Chai Tea Latte

May 29, 2023 by

“That doesn’t even make sense? Why the fuck do they still call it Chai Tea Latte — chai literally means tea. You idiots are ordering a Tea Tea Latte. Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”
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Color-blind Canadian confused to see flag everywhere on 4/20

May 24, 2023 by

“It’s so nice tah see all the Canadian flags aboot tahday, eh?” said Maple Snowbeaver, the Canadian exchange student in question. April 20: Weed Day.
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Precious Slut Christian rebranding! Now called “Immaculate Virgin”

May 20, 2023 by

“Precious Slut” will now be called “Immaculate Virgin” in order to better align with newfound Christian beliefs. 
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I.V. landlord charges extra for mold: claims exotic houseplant

May 20, 2023 by

Sicspore claims this fuzzy new companion has certain ‘properties’ that justify the increasing prices.
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Woman horrified to realize that she must raise children in order to be a MILF

May 19, 2023 by

54% of women cited “being a MILF” as one of the top two reasons they chose to have children, the other being “mommy milkers.”
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Manzanita Village to vote for village idiot

May 19, 2023 by

Hear ye, hear ye! Thee smalle village of Manzanita hath indeed declared the need for a village idiot!
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5 SEXY GAUCHOS WANT TO MEET NEAR YOU

May 18, 2023 by

Hey gorg us. How would you like to see BIG BOOBS and BIG’s BUTT tonight.
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Return of the Jedi: I’m high for the 2nd time at Wingstop

May 4, 2023 by

I have the plant with me now, and using my lightsaber, I’m able to light it and start smoking in the purple glow of my saber. Fuck yes.
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Need enlightenment these deranged college students do

May 4, 2023 by

Such silly students. Surprising that so much time spent in the library, yet lacking in ways of the Force. 
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Everything I’ve ever wanted to say to stinky little campus tour groups

April 27, 2023 by

I have had ENOUGH of not being able to suntan at the lagoon without a prepubescent fifth grader staring at my ass.
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