The Daily Stench

Study finds that holding handlebars while biking is “gay”

Having sex with other men, being on Grindr, wearing sunscreen — we know these are all gay for you, as a man, to be doing. All across the planet, researchers work tirelessly every day to discover wha...
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Top 5 best moments from the 2024 Academy Awards!

The Academy Awards came around and, just like every year, people saw them.
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DJ “Spinning Tonight” Falls Over

Kim announced via an Instagram story that he was performing at Baja Sharkeez tonight from 10-11, but the night took an unfortunate turn.
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Top five women I’d make history with

To kick off this March, here’s a list of the top five women that you already know I’d make some good history with. 
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Top five reasons why I didn’t write top five women I’d make history with

Women are entirely capable of making history on their own, by themselves or with each other. 
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Venmore! Black woman makes hundreds off white friends for Black History Month

Have you given your Black friends $5 for Black History Month yet? If not, you are FAR behind schedule and third year Morris Martin is not afraid to let it be known. 
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Birth control vending machine now performing lobotomies

As we approach midterms, the upcoming election, and bikini season, your head may be riddled with anxiety, feminism, and other nasty ideas. Check out campus’ newest resource to ease yourself of these...
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Local frat disbanded for hazing after making pledges go to class

“The rituals that DAD was making their pledges do were straight up inhumane and physically impossible for many of them.”
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“No”: Visitors respond to plea to stay off bike paths

Have you ever even seen a roundabout that was made for walking? That’s because they don’t exist.
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Idiot stoner packs bong for Super Bowl

Imagine instead of the San Francisco 49ers it was the San Francisco 420ers. That would be crazy.
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Can We Shut the Fuck Up About Jack Johnson Already?

Did you know that Jack Johnson went to UC Santa Barbara? Yes. Yes I did. So shut the fuck up about it.
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Impromptu valentine? This gal’s Tinder match is shitting next to her in the gender neutral bathroom

As she released her own effortless concerto of garlic parmesan, it undeniably made a sweet, sweet melody with the aggression beside her.
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Rizz tips?: Guy I asked out on sunset walk pushes me off the sea bluff

He kept yelling “WHO ARE YOU” and “WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME” when I knew inside that I was his one true love.
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Sad! Shit boyfriend only anti-capitalist during Valentine’s Day

In a discussion with his girlfriend, Whole shared that he refused to celebrate the holiday in any capacity due to its sickening association with all things capitalist and corporate. 
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No partner? No problem! Print a plastic peen!

All students would be given the opportunity to print two false flesh flutes for the price of one.
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