In a groundbreaking display of emotional vulnerability, third-year political science major Andrew Logan announced over the weekend that he is “not ready for the commitment” required by his POL S 1...
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This past week, America has been divided as ever. The UC Santa Barbara community is a perfect snapshot of our country as a whole. Few worked to mobilize, some voted and most can’t really be bothered...
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Are you an undecided voter who can’t bear to choose between the obviously equally-evil candidates on the ballot? Can you not stand to see your country barrel down the path of far-right, totalitarian...
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As a white man with no morals strong enough to form real political views, I was unsure of who to vote for in the upcoming election. Trump’s attempted overthrow of our country wasn’t quite enough t...
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The Republican Party has come under increasing scrutiny for their betrayal of traditional conservative values, and many lifelong Republicans swear to vote blue in November. In response, the Republican...
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It was a classic spring quarter Sunday: I woke up in a random bed on ‘66 block with nothing but my socks, a raging migraine, and a “man”. Our collective stench was comprised of Marlboro Reds, B....
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For any Gaucho, running the gauntlet that is the Arbor walkway is an arduous, unavoidable and annoying-as-fuck task. While every day at the Arbor feels like it offers a new crop of tablers there to ma...
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“AND THEN, HE ASKED, ‘CAN I CUM IN YOU?’”
It was the question heard around Cajé on an unsuspecting Sunday afternoon. In an effort to lock in, I had my laptop open only to the New York Time...
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Aloha! Are you tired of all of this noise on campus? Are you bored of hearing about discrimination in your ethnicity requirement? Are you ready for a getaway from all the partying, tanning and being j...
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Since the turn of the 21st century, angry bitch feminists have been trying to hold men accountable for their crimes. “You’re being misogynistic!” “You’ve never made me finish!” “#MeToo!...
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Having sex with other men, being on Grindr, wearing sunscreen — we know these are all gay for you, as a man, to be doing. All across the planet, researchers work tirelessly every day to discover wha...
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As we approach midterms, the upcoming election, and bikini season, your head may be riddled with anxiety, feminism, and other nasty ideas. Check out campus’ newest resource to ease yourself of these...
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“The rituals that DAD was making their pledges do were straight up inhumane and physically impossible for many of them.”
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The mere two times a week that I inflict a near-death experience upon myself with Tito’s mixed with stolen DLG cranberry cocktail, how are the RAs suddenly there?
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Gauchos, it’s time to get professional. It’s time to connect. It’s time to slide into those LinkedIn DMs.
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Do: Practice being respectful. Don’t: Get caught up saying yes to all the Arbor's tablers.
Do: Grab a coffee at Cajé. Don’t: Scooter to Campbell Hall.
Do: Self-reflection. Don’t: Wear flip-flops to your 9 a.m. class.
Do: Go to CLAS. Don’t: Keep spending money at Freebirds.
Do: Watch a peaceful Campus Point sunrise. Don’t: Slap your ex on DP.
Do: Give a new coffee spot a chance. Don’t: “Sleep through” your 8 a.m. class. Again.
Do: Take a moment to breathe. Don’t: Flake on your Hinge date.
Do: Use your dining hall plan. Don’t: Scroll through GauchoGuys during lecture.
Do: Visit your TA. Don’t: Use Thriftopia as an excuse to binge spend.
Do: Start applying to internships. Don’t: Hook up on campus.
Do: Bow down to Chancellor Yang when you see him. Don’t: Fall off your bike.
Do: Pick up the Daily Nexus. Don’t: Ignore your parents’ texts.
