Joseph R. Biden

August 27, 2026

Local drunkards host fundraiser to rebuild Deja Vu Cafe

By Joseph R. Biden

Beloved Isla Vista late-night establishment Deja Vu Cafe burned on Aug. 18, scaring high-functioning alcoholics for miles. The Isla Vista community consequently started a GoFundMe, planned multiple fundraising events and...

May 28, 2026

Best ways to ensure a return offer from your summer internship

By Joseph R. Biden

With spring quarter coming to an end, many students may anticipate summer fun: trading in the sunny Isla Vista lifestyle for eight hours behind a desk everyday at a summer internship.

May 7, 2026

Irritated by cigarettes’ “mainstream” popularity, indie man smokes pipe

By Joseph R. Biden

Second-year political science major Jake Bertrand made waves in the Isla Vista community this past Wednesday at Pint Night when he was spotted smoking an 1800s-era tobacco pipe outside of Woodstock’s. 

April 30, 2026

A.S. election, California gubernatorial race compete for irrelevancy

By Joseph R. Biden

The UC Santa Barbara spring election was supposed to close this past Thursday but was extended due to low voter turnout, with items on the ballot such as Associated Students offices and nothing else that anyone can name....

April 16, 2026

I lived it: My situationship with the Santa Barbara MTD

By Joseph R. Biden

Never reliable. Lies about location. Always late. Never there for you when you need it. Always seen with other people.

February 26, 2026

ASPB announces Deltopia alternative event: Bouncy house

By Joseph R. Biden

The Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors voted to impose a 72-hour noise ordinance the weekend of Deltopia, the — formerly — largest annual college party in the country. After backlash from students, UC Santa Ba...

February 19, 2026

Thank God! Fatties silenced

By Joseph R. Biden

After years of promoting realistic body standards, combating toxic diet culture and planting like three size-six women in Hollywood, the world order has finally been returned: early 2000s-style skinny culture is back.

January 29, 2026

I.C.E. sees Instagram story, stops violence

By Joseph R. Biden

After a year of escalated Immigrations and Customs Enforcement activity under the second Trump administration, including what critics call violent and undemocratic enforcement tactics Immigrations and Customs Enforcement...

January 22, 2026

Cal Poly SLO, SDSU, high school students mourn Deltopia

By Joseph R. Biden

Last week, the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors voted to implement a 72-hour noise ordinance in Isla Vista on the weekend of April 4. This put an end to Del Playa Drive’s annual block party, Deltopia, which ta...

January 15, 2026

Ask Stench: Answering your burning questions

By Joseph R. Biden

On our Instagram (8.2M followers, btw) we asked you if you needed any advice. As a California state-licensed therapist, bikini model and former U.S. President, who better to answer than I?

January 8, 2026

Isla Vista man struggles to reassimilate after 4 months abroad

By Joseph R. Biden

Local legend and third-year statistics and data science major Riley Logan of UC Santa Barbara has reportedly been struggling to fit back into American culture after a revelatory semester abroad. After living with all of ...

October 9, 2025

Library announces new hours: Open 1-1:19 p.m. on Thursdays

By Joseph R. Biden

The UC Santa Barbara library announced last Friday that it has new, limited hours of operation: only on Thursdays from 1-1:19 p.m. The announcement followed a statement a few weeks ago when the library announced that it ...

September 16, 2025

Guy who has never thought or prayed sends “thoughts and prayers” to Charlie Kirk

By Joseph R. Biden

Somewhat right-wing political “activist” Charlie Kirk was shot and killed on Sept. 10 while speaking at a rally at Utah Valley University. The presumably politically motivated act led to hundreds of politicians and n...

August 31, 2025

Newsom continues mimicking Trump, plans insurrection

By Joseph R. Biden

For the past several weeks, California Governor Gavin Newsom has made headlines by giving the political right a taste of their own medicine with his all-caps X posts, circulation of AI-generated images and general flagra...

July 22, 2025

5 activities to keep yourself entertained in Isla Vista over summer

By Joseph R. Biden

Isla Vista: the unincorporated community where the streets are typically filled with bikers on their phones, drivers on their phones and inebriated pedestrians—usually on their phones.  From September to commenceme...

June 29, 2025

A.S. resolution condemns war, Middle East declares peace

By Joseph R. Biden

World peace was declared on Wednesday after UC Santa Barbara’s Associated Students passed a resolution to condemn war. Fearing they would become the next victim in a long list of global organizations toppled by UCSB As...