“A historic election.” “The election of a lifetime.” “The last election we’ll ever have to vote in.” As Nov. 5 approaches, both Democrats and Republicans scramble to make average Americans believe that politicians care about their wellbeing.

The Republican Party has come under increasing scrutiny for their betrayal of traditional conservative values, and many lifelong Republicans swear to vote blue in November. In response, the Republicans’ latest campaign advertisement features a classic darling of the conservatives: the late former president, Ronald Reagan. 

Republican strategists decided to use a Ouija board to contact Reagan as its legitimacy aligns with that of the party as a whole.

“Contacting President Reagan via Ouija board was the best idea we had because we know that our supporters will believe it,” Republican Party Communications Director Beut Laquer said. “When we ask him a question and the tile moves, we know that it’s really him coming through.”

The advertisement features a group of young Republicans surrounding a Ouija board, when one asks President Reagan the question: “Is Donald Trump fit to serve as president again?” The tile quickly moves to “Yes” and the group murmurs. Then, Reagan’s spirit compels the tile to enthusiastically spell out: “M-O-N-E-Y P-L-E-A-S-E”.

“I think that the ad was effective and it’s amazing to see Reagan back in work,” UC Santa Barbara second-year economics major Shmall Dique said. “It was really inspiring to watch him deliver such a heartfelt message. I felt that it really aligned with the current values of the party.”

The advertisement resonated with viewers, giving them more hope for a Trump win in November.

“It feels good to know that such a wise and perfect man like Reagan thinks that Trump can lead. That’s exactly the kind of affirmation that we’ve been seeking as a party. Otherwise, we would all totally have zero confidence in him,” first-year communication major Dumm Azs said.

The Republican Party will reportedly use more tactics like this one, such as summoning the ghost of Thomas Jefferson in a seance and performing an exorcism on Gavin Newsom. Additionally, they will employ hypnotism in order to make JD Vance normal. 

Joseph R. Biden will be using tarot cards to receive messages from John F. Kennedy.

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