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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

UCSB unveils new non-DEI curriculum

November 6, 2025 by

In accordance with the wishes of our beloved well-endowed president, UCSB has renovated its curriculum, replacing all the ugly WOKENESS with PATRIOTIC teachings. Here is a list of our beloved leader...
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Spooky season! Midterm grades are coming back

October 30, 2025 by

A sinister feel has settled over UC Santa Barbara, making chills run down the student body’s back despite the 80-degree weather. Everywhere, faces are falling as the dreaded notification pops up on ...
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Mayor declares martial law: Halloween noise ordinance indefinite

October 30, 2025 by

With Halloween just around the corner, students at UC Santa Barbara were met with unfortunate news after a noise ordinance from 10/26 to 11/4 was announced for this holiday season. Music will not be a...
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Associated Students passes Prop 67, Isla Vista divided

October 23, 2025 by

In a shocking turn of events, a proposition has passed through the UC Santa Barbara Associated Students, officially seceding UC Santa Barbara from the state of California. This move, which experts hav...
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Trump Declares Monarchy Amid “No Kings” Protests

October 23, 2025 by

In June 2025, on President Trump’s 79th birthday, small yet symbolic protests emerged during the United States Army parade, targeting what organizers called “authoritarian policies.” After this ...
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An expert’s guide to Halloween costumes

October 16, 2025 by

As UC Santa Barbara languishes in the steamy, hot sun, the only thing spooky about this season is the midterms that are starting next week. But, despite the 80-degree weather, Halloween is rapidly app...
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Breaking! Fraternities up to weird shit!

October 16, 2025 by

Every fall, UC Santa Barbara’s most average male students try their best to be selected and admitted into a brotherhood with questionable roots, but lit ass parties. This year, the Daily Nexus has r...
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UCSB sororities announce newer, more impactful philanthropy

October 16, 2025 by

In a bold move that campus officials are calling “a transformative act of compassion,” all UC Santa Barbara sororities have officially changed their philanthropies this quarter to focus on a singl...
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Huh? Government shutdown forces UCSB to fire all RAs

October 9, 2025 by

In response to the ongoing federal government shutdown, UC Santa Barbara has announced that all resident assistants (RAs) will be terminated, effective immediately. The decision to fire RAs, cited in ...
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Library announces new hours: Open 1-1:19 p.m. on Thursdays

October 9, 2025 by

The UC Santa Barbara library announced last Friday that it has new, limited hours of operation: only on Thursdays from 1-1:19 p.m. The announcement followed a statement a few weeks ago when the librar...
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Band party reaches new heights

October 2, 2025 by

As Isla Vista welcomes back thousands of residents for the start of the new academic school year, students at UC Santa Barbara are witnessing the emergence of a new party culture. Roof sitters have be...
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Hive-mind syndrome spreads during sorority rush

October 2, 2025 by

On Wednesday, September 25, rush season began at UC Santa Barbara for sororities across Isla Vista. What was supposed to be a fun traditional event gave rise to a small, localized pathogen that has, a...
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Guy who has never thought or prayed sends “thoughts and prayers” to Charlie Kirk

September 16, 2025 by

Somewhat right-wing political “activist” Charlie Kirk was shot and killed on Sept. 10 while speaking at a rally at Utah Valley University. The presumably politically motivated act led to hundreds ...
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5 easy side-hustles at UCSB (get rich quick!!!)

September 7, 2025 by

With college tuition and Isla Vista rent rising every quarter, the need for money is at an all-time high. Luckily, I’m here to help. Here are five foolproof ways to make a quick buck at UC Santa Bar...
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Newsom continues mimicking Trump, plans insurrection

August 31, 2025 by

For the past several weeks, California Governor Gavin Newsom has made headlines by giving the political right a taste of their own medicine with his all-caps X posts, circulation of AI-generated image...
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