The Daily Stench

Hispanic serving! Student serving cunt everyday of Hispanic Heritage Month

iOlé, Gauchos! UC Santa Barbara, despite its vaguely racist mascot while being a Hispanic Serving Institution, has long been known for having a large population of Latinx students, making Hispanic He...
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I.V. finally sinks into ocean

Foreseeable by no one and absolutely unprecedented, Isla Vista residents were stunned on Oct. 6 when the raucous college town suddenly fell into the Pacific Ocean. 
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Brace for impact! Upperclassmen fortify campus as freshmen arrive

Freshmeat will be here before you know it, and as the strong, wise, and mature upperclassmen, we must be ready. 
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First day of school dos and don’ts for freshmen

Print this out, laminate it and carry it around at all times for easy perusal.
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Everyone is in Europe this summer except for you

The nausea that you get from being on TikTok for 15 hours every day is the nausea you wish was from a 15 hour flight to Spain.
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Shocking! Depressed stoner guy not ready for a relationship right now

Shortly after confessing his deep feelings for Marcy, Deulu decided it was time to end things.
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Letter to Disney: I want MILF Padmé

Honestly, it’s just a really bad financial decision on your part; she would’ve been so popular.
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This AAPI Month I’m celebrating by asking all my friends to bring me a platter of cut fruit

Ahh, the sweet sound of healthy communication.
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Starbucks Unveils “Butter Chicken Frappuccino” After Success of Chai Tea Latte

“That doesn’t even make sense? Why the fuck do they still call it Chai Tea Latte — chai literally means tea. You idiots are ordering a Tea Tea Latte. Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”
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Color-blind Canadian confused to see flag everywhere on 4/20

“It’s so nice tah see all the Canadian flags aboot tahday, eh?” said Maple Snowbeaver, the Canadian exchange student in question. April 20: Weed Day.
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Precious Slut Christian rebranding! Now called “Immaculate Virgin”

“Precious Slut” will now be called “Immaculate Virgin” in order to better align with newfound Christian beliefs. 
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I.V. landlord charges extra for mold: claims exotic houseplant

Sicspore claims this fuzzy new companion has certain ‘properties’ that justify the increasing prices.
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Woman horrified to realize that she must raise children in order to be a MILF

54% of women cited “being a MILF” as one of the top two reasons they chose to have children, the other being “mommy milkers.”
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Manzanita Village to vote for village idiot

Hear ye, hear ye! Thee smalle village of Manzanita hath indeed declared the need for a village idiot!
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5 SEXY GAUCHOS WANT TO MEET NEAR YOU

Hey gorg us. How would you like to see BIG BOOBS and BIG’s BUTT tonight.
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