The Daily Stench
“We as a community are just so proud of the achievement of these students. They should certainly feel very satisfied with themselves and the effort they have put in. We hope they are experiencing th...
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Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. Given the unthinkable human tragedy and exposition of the failures and lies of the global capitalist sys...
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“No, I just love hinges. God they are such beautiful mechanisms,” Head stated, as he started to speak faster and faster, his face flushed with enthusiasm.
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Nuffathis’ grimy, formerly-white Air Force 1s began to levitate off the ground. Seemingly set off by another waist-grab, Nuffathis was spurred by the supernatural – selected by the gods, perhaps ...
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Not one shred of printable material seems to remain, despite continued, exploratory drilling around the sites we last located the funny.
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We at the Daily Nexus, personally, are heartbroken to report on the demise of what we thought was a stable tenet of the little joy there is in our decrepit college town. Is pain the only guarantee in ...
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Oh, how I long to lovingly nestle my face against your ample bosom, reverting to a childlike state of coziness and dependency.
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Hopefully when these people see this list, they might rethink their lives and stop being such fake fucking bitches. One can only hope!
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“Heart? Stolen. Panties? Soaked. Hotel? Trivago.”
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Crest, Colgate, Sensodyne — I’ll take anything, even if only 8/10 doctors recommend it!
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After sending a correspondent into the sky via the slingshot we rented from a carnival company, we have received input from the four winds and their thoughts on their massive blowings and whooshes bom...
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Esteemed Nexustentialism reporter Roberto Gutierrez discussed this in his article “BREAKING: God Canceled,” but he failed to anticipate the possible ramifications of this cancellation — that bei...
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I figured he was just nervous. But when I got to the booth, he still didn’t move and I knew something was wrong.
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You have suckled my breast like an infant — the weakling you are — and I get nothing in return?
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Perhaps it is time for the man upstairs to face the social consequences of his actions.
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You are a lingering runner's high, watching the sun rise over the cliffs
You are the cozy feeling the moment you wake up, nestled under the quilt you got from your grandma
You are the burst of inspiration (and motivation) at 3:42 a.m. in the library
You are the lopsided Sharpie heart on your Cajé latte
When you take your shoes off at SBA security and know you're the hot, mysterious airport traveler
You are the rush after winning a debate concerning Domino's and Woodstock's
You are the random wave and smile from a semi-familiar face on the way to Biochemistry
You are the first bite of a warm Subway sandwich after a long day
You are the relief of getting your feet wet at the beach in the middle of July
You are the first non-dining hall meal after a final
You are the final stitch in your quarter-long knitting project
You are the walk across campus to your favorite song on a cold day: "Sweater Weather"
