Nexustentialism

April 10, 2025

D.P. collapses, annual block party renamed “Sabatopia”

By Joseph R. Biden

After 2025’s Deltopia, UCSB’s annual celebration of the beginning of spring quarter, the iconic Del Playa Drive crumbled completely to the ocean. Organizers already anticipate the block party for next year taking pla...

April 10, 2025

Flash mob proposal on Del Playa shocks Deltopia bride

By Fart Tent

For many Gauchos, Deltopia, UC Santa Barbara’s biggest dayge, is the height of the coupling season. Out in the sunlight, all is laid bare for God and Yang to see, leading to many tender moments throughout the length of...

March 27, 2025

Students pollute streets in preparation for Deltopia

By Joseph R. Biden

In preparation for Isla Vista’s annual block party, Deltopia, UCSB students have begun littering Del Playa Drive in order to give visitors an authentic taste of Gaucho life. Students have been spotted dumping extra can...

March 6, 2025

Welcome to the library: the quiet floor was made for other people

By Serrano Ham

It is common knowledge that the top three floors of UC Santa Barbara’s Library, numbering floors six through eight, are the quiet floors, where speaking or making any sort of noise above slightly aggressive typing is s...

February 27, 2025

Radical! Surfer gets hit by cyclist while shredding waves

By Beast Mode

Not even the ocean can keep you safe from getting slammed with the tire of death, as seen yesterday at Campus Point, when a surfboarder looked up from attempting to ride the tube on 4-foot waves and was promptly wiped ou...

February 27, 2025

Deltopia in review

By Fart Tent

Another great Deltopia weekend has come and gone in the sunny streets of Isla Vista. Students poured out this past weekend for the event, bikini-clad for their treks across Del Playa. As early as 4:20 a.m., students coul...

February 27, 2025

‘Deltopia’ movie named last-minute Best Picture nomination at 97th Academy Awards

By Lore Enchew

“Deltopia” was recently added as a Best Picture nominee at the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony, following public pressure to recognize what The Hollywouldn’t Reporter deemed as “the best film [about Deltopia] ev...

February 20, 2025

Ally! White man is NOT celebrating Presidents’ Day

By The Mayor of PoundTown

Presidents Day weekend is a sight for sore college student eyes. Coming swiftly after midterms, the three-day weekend was the perfect break for UC Santa Barbara students to relax, taking in all that Isla Vista has to off...

February 20, 2025

Hercules’s 12th task: senior finally takes Greek Myth

By Fart Tent

Rounding out the final session of pass times, many fourth-years found themselves, for once, at ease. Finally, the first group to get their greedy little hands on classes, mostly everyone was satisfied with what they got....

February 13, 2025

Seven things girls should buy their guys on Valentine’s Day

By The Mayor of PoundTown

Every year when Valentine's day finally arrives, the question flooding girl group chats is “What should I get my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?” It's a challenge to find the perfect gift for a man who has everythin...

February 13, 2025

The power of love: he came for my identity, he left with my heart

By Serrano Ham

Love entered my life when I received that text from that unknown number. “Hey Chris, it’s Jared. Just got a new number.” I giggled. Silly Jared, I’m not Chris. I replied to the message, telling him he had the wro...

February 6, 2025

Campbell Hall Plague spreads

By Serrano Ham

Hot take: college is like preschool. College students must painfully relearn how to make friends and share their things. And, college students’ immune systems seem to have a major regression, becoming susceptible to ev...

February 6, 2025

Drake buys ticket to Super Bowl to see Kendrick Lamar

By Skywalker

Drake has announced that he has purchased a ticket to the Super Bowl to see Kendrick Lamar perform during the Super Bowl LIX halftime show, despite his tour having a show scheduled for that same day in Australia. 

February 6, 2025

What happened to twerking?

By Joseph R. Biden

In 2016, I felt like I couldn’t even walk through my neighborhood without seeing someone shaking ass. Online. On the wall. On the ground. Upside down. Inside out. Everyone was throwing it back. Now, let me ask you a qu...

January 30, 2025

Frat guys threatened by I.V. robot’s sexuality

By The Mayor of PoundTown

With the arrival of Isla Vista's hottest new eligible bachelor, Boba Bot, UC Santa Barbara fraternities are turning to cyberphobia. While fraternities are recognized to be safe and accepting havens for all, Boba Bot is n...

January 30, 2025

CALPIRG goes nuclear, thanks Trump

By Julianne Long

Recent studies have shown that students at UC Santa Barbara are stopped by California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) members about 50 times per week. As of late, the tag teaming efforts of the group have create...