“Babe, it’s just like, a way to force you to spend money. They commodified love and made it a holiday that celebrates whoever can consume the most product from all the different corporations.” said chemical engineering major Ash Whole. “I fucking hate Valentine’s Day!”

You know what time it is Gauchos! As Feb. 14 rapidly approaches, couples are racing to make plans and buy presents for each other. But not everyone is willing to celebrate this holiday. In a discussion with his girlfriend, Whole shared that he refused to celebrate the holiday in any capacity due to its sickening association with all things capitalist and corporate. 

“No, babe, just a card is still just as bad. If we buy ingredients to make a nice dinner at home, we are still participating and performing in this sick display of greed. I’m not getting you anything,” he said, sure to cover all his bases. 

His girlfriend was not so happy with how he viewed the holiday. Biopsychology major Anita Betaboi explained that, to her, Valentine’s Day is just another opportunity to express her love for her boyfriend. She chose to surprise him by getting him a couple new games for his PlayStation 5, alongside posters of some of his favorite sports teams. Despite protesting the holiday, Whole gladly accepted these gifts and, according to Betaboi, has already been ignoring her to play the games she bought him. 

“Well, it’s not like I’m gonna make her take them back. She already bought them. Besides, she knows how I feel about the holiday, so it’s honestly her fault for getting me shit at all. It’s been raining too, so I don’t really want to go out and get wet.” 

This Valentine’s Day, there may be some harsh discussions between couples like Whole and Betaboi, who can’t seem to come to a consensus about how to celebrate. Love is in the air, Gauchos! Whether you hate it or love it, you can always bank on there being chocolate for sale the day after, which is a celebration in and of itself. 

Fart Tent thinks broke boys don’t deserve no pussy. I know that’s right!