Every year, dozens of optimistic high school juniors visit our beautiful campus to be guided to random buildings by hungover college seniors who you may recognize from that band thing or that other band thing. You may find these conspicuous visitors by the new bike shop looking at the new bike shop, or even by the UCen looking at the UCen. You’ll recognize them by their ability to stare at you, a college specimen, as you bike past them or by their faux intrigue at the tour guide’s improv speech about the significance of Storke Tower as it marks the hour in its signature lack-of-tune. 

You may recognize these young folk most characteristically, however, by their quirky-bordering-on-migraine-inducing habit of walking on the rough tarred-and-lined bike paths next to the smooth-and-paved walk paths. Why, you ask? There are a few reasons that could be at play.

1. Underdeveloped Pre-Frontal Cortex: We must understand that these are kids who may be following their high school “love”/best friend/good friend/group partner to college. Which is to say: their brains suck. Their brains suck for reasons that are not their fault. Their brains suck in ways that the Juul marketing department adores. Or in ways that their driving instructor hates. But our brains sucked at one point too. Which is to say: this isn’t their fault and it isn’t our place to say they are dumb.
2. They Are Dumb: I don’t know, man. The bike paths are pretty obvious. Have you ever even seen a roundabout that was made for walking? That’s because they don’t exist. But somehow that doesn’t raise any alarms for the Meandering Many. It’s not even like there’s a spot on campus where the bike paths are not directly next to a walking path. For the most part, footpaths are paved with consistent concrete across California, whereas blacktop is exclusively for vehicles of transport and kickball. So I don’t know really, they may just be dumb and it is their fault.
3. The Universe is Absurd: Maybe we should expect nothing more from existence but this. We are all Sisyphus with our own personal boulder. Looking for a reason or explanation for our fate only to find that there is none. Maybe the lack of explanation is the punishment itself. Maybe we are all on trial for believing only the guilty are charged. Maybe we are bound to lose our grasp of this stone a million times, only to find before us on the bike path the next high-schooler-shaped boulder.

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God enjoys quizzing himself on different dog breeds and following Deuxmoi on instagram