Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

May 30, 2024

Best questions to ask during lecture

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

Don’t be shy! Asking questions is an important part of the academic process — and a great way to assert yourself over your weak-minded peers! However, not all questions are created equal, so here is a comprehensive l...

February 14, 2024

Impromptu valentine? This gal’s Tinder match is shitting next to her in the gender neutral bathroom

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

As she released her own effortless concerto of garlic parmesan, it undeniably made a sweet, sweet melody with the aggression beside her.

May 20, 2023

Precious Slut Christian rebranding! Now called “Immaculate Virgin”

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

“Precious Slut” will now be called “Immaculate Virgin” in order to better align with newfound Christian beliefs. 

January 27, 2023

Fuck! I forgot to bring my box of condoms to juggling club

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

Meeting on Fridays in front of Storke Tower, the group preaches their love of all things juggling and circus arts, but also their love for safe sex.

November 29, 2022

Breaking: Hot Ticket UCSB holding group of average white men hostage

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

“Oh, it was absolutely horrible,” the Goleta Chief of Police Owen K. Bacon said. “From what Detective Rodriguez described, they weren’t even allowed their Sony headphones.”

May 11, 2022

God Sends 10 Plagues to Isla Vista After Alleged Cancellation

By Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor

Esteemed Nexustentialism reporter Roberto Gutierrez discussed this in his article “BREAKING: God Canceled,” but he failed to anticipate the possible ramifications of this cancellation — that being the heavenly fath...