Impromptu valentine? This gal’s Tinder match is shitting next to her in the gender neutral bathroom

February 14, 2024 by

As she released her own effortless concerto of garlic parmesan, it undeniably made a sweet, sweet melody with the aggression beside her.
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Precious Slut Christian rebranding! Now called “Immaculate Virgin”

May 20, 2023 by

“Precious Slut” will now be called “Immaculate Virgin” in order to better align with newfound Christian beliefs. 
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Fuck! I forgot to bring my box of condoms to juggling club

January 27, 2023 by

Meeting on Fridays in front of Storke Tower, the group preaches their love of all things juggling and circus arts, but also their love for safe sex.
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Breaking: Hot Ticket UCSB holding group of average white men hostage

November 29, 2022 by

“Oh, it was absolutely horrible,” the Goleta Chief of Police Owen K. Bacon said. “From what Detective Rodriguez described, they weren’t even allowed their Sony headphones.”
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God Sends 10 Plagues to Isla Vista After Alleged Cancellation

May 11, 2022 by

Esteemed Nexustentialism reporter Roberto Gutierrez discussed this in his article “BREAKING: God Canceled,” but he failed to anticipate the possible ramifications of this cancellation — that bei...
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