We all know the agitation and sheer animalist rage that is produced when it is time to make coitus, but one comes unprepared. To combat this classic situation, many keep a good old-fashioned rubber in their wallet or car – alas, this method doesn’t suffice for UC Santa Barbara’s juggling club.
Meeting on Fridays in front of Storke Tower, the group preaches their love of all things juggling and circus arts, but also their love for safe sex. In an exclusive interview with club president Peg Legge, Legge explains where this shared passion for safe sex derives from.
“Juggling is a very sensual and intimate act,” Legge chirped, pissing himself a bit in excitement “At the UCSB juggling club, we don’t promote spontaneous group self-indulgence. However, it is incredibly difficult to prevent. Given the setting, the circus activities taking place and all these rockin’ hot babes, we expect members to get promiscuous, and that is why we ask that they supply their own condoms (preferably a bulk amount from Costco) and other love-enhancing paraphernalia.”
Legge went on to explain the issues the club has had in the past with people showing up empty handed, yet expecting to participate in post-juggling love-making. “Last year, the county of Santa Barbara declared a state of emergency after juggling club spread a novel STI igniting a public health crisis,” Legge informed our reporter. “Luckily, our club wasn’t shut down. We were just forced to change our slogan from ‘Down to clown? Come clown around with no experience necessary’ to ‘Down to clown? Come clown around with no experience necessary and an extra large box of condoms.’”
As an investigative journalist, it is my duty to report that the UCSB juggling club procures exciting and wonderful vibes with or without their multicolored juggling pins. Please just don’t forget to bring a positive and non-judgmental attitude — oh, and of course an XL Box of Condoms.
Theresa Harris-Olson Taylor needs to borrow somebody’s Costco card before next Friday.