Miss Informed

January 25, 2024

Local woman hyped for Valentine’s Day card haul from dentist, Victoria’s Secret

By Miss Informed

“Contrary to popular belief, I actually receive much correspondence from a variety of suitors,” McKinsey purrs contentedly.

October 13, 2023

Local senior burned out from iClicker attendance quiz

By Miss Informed

After three long years of slaving away (looking on Quizlet) and breaking our backs (using ChatGPT) for our degrees, I can confidently speak for all seniors when I say: We are tired.

September 8, 2023

First day of school dos and don’ts for freshmen

By Miss Informed

Print this out, laminate it and carry it around at all times for easy perusal.

May 29, 2023

This AAPI Month I’m celebrating by asking all my friends to bring me a platter of cut fruit

By Miss Informed

Ahh, the sweet sound of healthy communication.

March 27, 2023

So, President’s Day had to be during Black History Month Huh?

By Miss Informed

What’s the point of President’s Day anyway? To get a couple more hours of shut-eye on our brand new Sleep Number smart mattress?

September 1, 2022

Eulogy for Pizza My Heart

By Miss Informed

Where else can you consume 40 whole cloves of garlic on a pizza in front of your unsuspecting Bumble date? Fuck you! Who do you think you are?

May 12, 2022

Comedian! Local Man Adds -Ussy to the End of Each Word

By Miss Informed

“Heart? Stolen. Panties? Soaked. Hotel? Trivago.”

March 31, 2022

UCSB Ranked No. 5 Nationwide Due to Vibes, Sex Appeal

By Miss Informed

While it may forever be a mystery as to why our institution by the sea is such a strong attracting force for students across the country, we can sleep soundly with the knowledge that we are in the company of the hottest,...

February 14, 2022

Frats Offer Limited Valentine’s Day Deal: BOGO Herpes, Heartbreak

By Miss Informed

There’s a whiff of something new in the moist breeze of Isla Vista — that’s right, it’s the season of luuurve here in our very own crack den of a college town! One deep breath in through the nose and you’ll for...

February 8, 2022

Chancellor Yang’s Flop Era Lowkey Serving? The Student Body Weighs In

By Miss Informed

As tensions surrounding the return to online classes reach a breaking point, our favorite fancy chancy, Daddy Yang himself, is losing popularity faster than you can say “flop era.” Although the forgiving nature of th...

September 30, 2021

Did Quarantine Ruin Your Social Skills Or Are You Just Less Pleasant Now?: A Brief Guide

By Miss Informed

Hopefully this guide has illustrated the slight, but crucial differences between a post-quarantine slip-up and being an inherent fuck-up! Now go out there, have fun, and be safe! Or don’t, because you may be a menace t...

August 25, 2021

UCSB “Classroom Building” To Be Unveiled Along With “Sitting Chairs” and “Talking Podiums”

By Miss Informed

Do you often find yourself utterly bewildered as to the function of everyday objects? Are you also disillusioned with the barren landscape of our fine institution? Well, you’re in luck, because for the first time in ov...

May 24, 2021

Instagram Infographics Saturate the Market, Demand Plummets

By Miss Informed

This new surge in popularity of activism-adjacent paraphernalia has led to the overproduction of Instagram infographics to the point of market saturation

February 12, 2021

Office Hours With Professor The Most Intimate Valentine’s Day Local Woman Will Ever Have

By Miss Informed

Biggcok has emailed some of her young-ish eligible professors for “assistance with the material.” When asked to specify what type of assistance and with what material, Biggcok failed to produce a verbal answer, inste...

January 15, 2021

Sad! Donald Trump Has Said “I Love You” to Domestic Terrorists More Than to Own Children

By Miss Informed

Likely one of the only times the Trump children have ever witnessed their father using the L-word so brazenly and yet so tenderly, it is almost certain that at least one of them (probably Eric) burst into tears on the sp...

November 11, 2020

Zoom Sex Ed Class Just a Livestream of Pornhub Premium

By Miss Informed

Trying to comprehend the wonder of conception? Look no further, kids, for creative teachers are employing the academic help of one of the busiest and most successful websites in the world: Pornhub.