Letter From the Editor: New Name, Same Stench
And while we will remember our time as “Nexustentialism” fondly, we, the current editors, respectfully, need a goddamn upgrade.
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The Daily Stench
And while we will remember our time as “Nexustentialism” fondly, we, the current editors, respectfully, need a goddamn upgrade.
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I’m not even playing with you, I was looking to my left and everyone was crying. Not because the movie was emotional, but because they had to pee that badly.
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If you see me popping my pussy in a parka, either tell me that you like my outfit or stay in your fucking lane.
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“And then it hit me,” said UCSB A.S. President Samantha Jamantha. “The solution had been there all along. We had to start 69-ing.”
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I was tearing through my plate, eating and nom-nomming away like I had no other cares in the world. That was when the trouble began.
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Observing his surroundings with a newfound sense of superiority, he swelled with pride knowing that he was simply better than the mindless drones of the world around him.
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“We just really love parades,” club founder Turr Keybut explained. “They’re the only part of life that goes by slowly. Sometimes, you just have to appreciate that about them.”
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This year, I especially want to thank everyone who invited their mom for Parents’ Weekend, and I want to assure you that we had a lovely time together last night.
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“Oh, it was absolutely horrible,” the Goleta Chief of Police Owen K. Bacon said. “From what Detective Rodriguez described, they weren’t even allowed their Sony headphones.”
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“Speed. I am speed. 42 bitters. 42 boozers. I eat boozers for breakfast.”
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Ever since the most famous split in DP history — other than when the deck fell from the cliff — Cockrey has been reportedly “on his king shit” trying to move on from Malessence.
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“Like, it’s so stupid. He’s literally losing his chance, and I have, like, everything he could ever want!” says Starchy Malessence, “I don’t know what to do!”
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The study seems to indicate that practically everyone you vaguely know from class is capable of juggling excellent results in school, a decently paying job, fulfilling social lives and at least three ...
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