This Women’s History Month, it’s important to honor the women around you and acknowledge all that they do. As a woman myself, it’s always my absolute honor to see all that my friends and family are able to achieve, despite the limits the world tries to impose onto us. So, to kick off this March, here’s a list of the top five women that you already know I’d make some good history with. 

1. Michelle Obama 

Yes, she ruined school lunches or whatever. But, if you can find it in yourself to look past that, she’s literally drop dead gorgeous. Everyday when she stepped out of the White House, I wondered if her husband was doing enough for her. If it was me, I would’ve focused more on her and less on whatever other responsibilities he might’ve had. Michelle Obama, you and I, we would make history together. 

1. Victoria Pedretti 

Oh my goooooooooooood. Y’all saw her in “You” and in “The Haunting of Bly Manor,” and I also saw her there. Though both of those shows had very interesting stories, I was more interested in Victoria. Even when she was going crazy, all I could think about were all the ways I would’ve helped her through it. She’s a talented actress, and if given the chance, I would love to star in a little lesbian romance with her, maybe this time with a HAPPY ENDING. Victoria Pedretti, we would make history together. 

1. SZA 

One thing about SZA and I, we would NOT keep it on the low. She would never have to worry about an ex or killing an ex. I would simply take care of it. There would be doves flying in the wind during our wedding. She could hit the snooze button every morning while I make her breakfast. All of the stars would align for us. SZA PLEASE NOTICE ME. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, I SWEAR TO GOD. SZA, Solána Imani Rowe, we would make history. 

1. Your mom

Your mom and I have been spending lots of quality time together lately. I can’t believe you haven’t called her yet this week. No wonder she spends so much of her time with me. Honestly, your mom is the type of woman that is meant to be cherished, meant to be understood and appreciated. Every moment I spend with her, I learn more about the beauty, complexity and love that can be held within a woman. I love her. I’m not afraid to say that. Your mom and I, we are making history together. 

1. Emily Dickinson 

I’ve learned enough in English classes to know what the hell is up. Some people, like Emily dearest, have a way with words and know how to charm others. Her writing charmed me over and over again. I just know that we would be beautiful, making a poem out of our lives together. Emily Dickinson, we would make history together.

Gauchos, this Women’s History Month, take the time to consider those women who have made history and the history that your mom and I are making. I’m your dad now, by the way. 

Fart Tent is in love with women.