The Daily Stench
The girl ran straight into what looked exactly like the same old tunnel. All the others followed suit and then there was just a cloud of smoke with cartoon sound effects coming out of it, and a tangle...
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I’ve been rejected from the shows so many times that I was Pavlovian-style conditioned into liking it
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According to them, there is no omniscience powerful enough, no divine light bright enough to combat your holy ineptitude.
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Get out. Leave. Literally, take your bike and start riding across the grass, because at the speed you’re going, you’ll get to class at the same time anyways. It’s what you deserve.
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“I thought it was a raccoon,” the poor little dunce choked out through tears of white guilt.
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Those fucking idiots. God, I am so cool.
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Sadly, Closset was unable to attend sexual orientation, where students are assigned their sexuality for their time here at UC Santa Barbara.
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You walk into the classroom and the class goes quiet. Your body has betrayed you; you are dripping sweat from every inch of your body.
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Where else can you consume 40 whole cloves of garlic on a pizza in front of your unsuspecting Bumble date? Fuck you! Who do you think you are?
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Greeks Go Green took part in an event of true sisterhood where they collectively attempted to reach a level of high called “greening out.”
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“I just don’t understand why the pineapple is in the middle,” he fervently explained. “Everything about that banana is raw sex appeal.”
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It can feel as though calls for action from UCSB administration fall on deaf ears — but no longer!
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To elaborate, Gaucho Bucks follow the same ridiculous format of taking money you can spend everywhere and anywhere, and converting it into money that you can only spend at a few places — except it...
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I am too funny for the society I find myself buried within.
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No one here drinks. Seriously. Del Playa is actually just a place that we gather at on weekends to worship Chancellor Yang and give him all our money.
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You are a lingering runner's high, watching the sun rise over the cliffs
You are the cozy feeling the moment you wake up, nestled under the quilt you got from your grandma
You are the burst of inspiration (and motivation) at 3:42 a.m. in the library
You are the lopsided Sharpie heart on your Cajé latte
When you take your shoes off at SBA security and know you're the hot, mysterious airport traveler
You are the rush after winning a debate concerning Domino's and Woodstock's
You are the random wave and smile from a semi-familiar face on the way to Biochemistry
You are the first bite of a warm Subway sandwich after a long day
You are the relief of getting your feet wet at the beach in the middle of July
You are the first non-dining hall meal after a final
You are the final stitch in your quarter-long knitting project
You are the walk across campus to your favorite song on a cold day: "Sweater Weather"
