Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Every year when Valentine's day finally arrives, the question flooding girl group chats is “What should I get my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?” It's a challenge to find the perfect gift for a m...
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Love entered my life when I received that text from that unknown number. “Hey Chris, it’s Jared. Just got a new number.” I giggled. Silly Jared, I’m not Chris. I replied to the message, tellin...
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Hot take: college is like preschool. College students must painfully relearn how to make friends and share their things. And, college students’ immune systems seem to have a major regression, becomi...
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Drake has announced that he has purchased a ticket to the Super Bowl to see Kendrick Lamar perform during the Super Bowl LIX halftime show, despite his tour having a show scheduled for that same day i...
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In 2016, I felt like I couldn’t even walk through my neighborhood without seeing someone shaking ass. Online. On the wall. On the ground. Upside down. Inside out. Everyone was throwing it back. Now,...
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With the arrival of Isla Vista's hottest new eligible bachelor, Boba Bot, UC Santa Barbara fraternities are turning to cyberphobia. While fraternities are recognized to be safe and accepting havens fo...
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Recent studies have shown that students at UC Santa Barbara are stopped by California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) members about 50 times per week. As of late, the tag teaming efforts of t...
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It was 11:38 p.m. at the ‘Snot Fuckers’ bandshow in the backyard of a house on 69 Del Playa Drive. A diverse crowd of music enjoyers had gathered: girls seeking a break from the Bikinis and Benadr...
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After wasting their first quarter at UC Santa Barbara taking Online Walking, many students are realizing that major requirement classes are hard to come by. To combat this widespread problem and the o...
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In a groundbreaking display of emotional vulnerability, third-year political science major Andrew Logan announced over the weekend that he is “not ready for the commitment” required by his POL S 1...
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Despite previous understanding that the only cool way to ride a skateboard is, you know, the normal way by using your leg to push, a new study finds that there might be a much cooler way. Students hav...
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While UC Santa Barbara students waste their time doing coke off of collapsing beachfront porches, their parents are worried sick. Reliable news sources, only made available on Facebook, have found tha...
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For yet another year, college students are haunted by the ghost of middle school past. When opening gifts on Christmas morning, one can only dream of receiving the trendy Tiffany lamp or Pedro Pascal ...
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Isla Vista’s colder months have arrived and the intense weather has caused great harm to men under 5 feet 6 inches tall. Winds reaching above 20 mph have caught these young men by their basketball s...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
