The Daily Stench

So, President’s Day had to be during Black History Month Huh?

March 27, 2023 by

What’s the point of President’s Day anyway? To get a couple more hours of shut-eye on our brand new Sleep Number smart mattress?
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“Finally some representation!” cries white man after watching Harry Styles grammy speech

March 12, 2023 by

Kevin dropped the communal-apartment-carton of milk that he was drinking from. He was astounded. He burst into tears — finally feeling relief in his life.
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Nation’s racist uncles shocked to find out ‘All Lives Matter’ includes minorities

March 12, 2023 by

As the conversation turned toward politics due to Black History Month, she said unto her uncle, “Hey Leonard, if all lives matter, that means Black lives matter too, doesn’t it?” 
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UCSB: Campus under the sea

March 11, 2023 by

Where else can you study the horrors of the Anthropocene in person? UCSB will continue to reign — now as the Atlantis of the Santa Barbara Channel!
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Prince Harry donates to UCSB, but mandates students wear ginger wigs in return

March 11, 2023 by

Harry was revealed to have donated $690,000 to UCSB because he has “a lot of money from colonialism” and “doesn’t know what to do with it.”
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Interview with a lagoon crab

February 13, 2023 by

We here at the Daily Nexus were honored when Collingsworth agreed to a rare interview. This reporter was lucky enough to sit down with him, and the transcript is provided below.
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New chancellor just dropped: Chancellor Yangcellor!

February 13, 2023 by

Chancellor Yangcellor doesn’t like building telescopes on sacred Native HawaiianAmerican land — he likes doing “Where’s Waldo” games and Sudoku!
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Help! Chancellor Yang lives inside my cursed locket

February 10, 2023 by

“Go forth! Let’s smoke that dope za — or whatever the kids say.” 
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Tips for not being single this Valentine’s Day: Settle for less

February 10, 2023 by

What, you thought you deserved a committed relationship with someone who respects your basic human dignity?
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Opinion: Screw rationality, I trust the brilliant minds of Quora

February 3, 2023 by

I have always found solace in a place born from the desire for the truth: Quora.com.
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Air Bud Saves Basketball Season!

February 3, 2023 by

Our winning streak has been preserved against CSU Bakersfield, with the Gauchos going for gold — golden retriever, that is.
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Fuck! I forgot to bring my box of condoms to juggling club

January 27, 2023 by

Meeting on Fridays in front of Storke Tower, the group preaches their love of all things juggling and circus arts, but also their love for safe sex.
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Someone needs to kiss me on the mouth while my voice is still raspy, sickly and sexy

January 26, 2023 by

Call me Narcissus, but I think this Narcissus is rightfully deserving of some kisses-us.
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Letter From the Editor: New Name, Same Stench

January 26, 2023 by

And while we will remember our time as “Nexustentialism” fondly, we, the current editors, respectfully, need a goddamn upgrade. 
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My very important “Avatar 2: Way of Water” review

January 23, 2023 by

I’m not even playing with you, I was looking to my left and everyone was crying. Not because the movie was emotional, but because they had to pee that badly.
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