In an attempt to sway the majority-Democrat population of Isla Vista and secure more votes in his favor, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has promised that if he wins the election, he will bring Dank Bowl Kitchen back to I.V. 

Dank Bowl Kitchen, more commonly referred to as “Dank Bowls” and previously known as Buddha Bowls, had been an I.V. staple since 2013. Their sourdough bread bowls filled with mac and cheese, homemade curry or pesto chicken were favorites of I.V.’s pothead population. But in March 2024, Dank Bowls officially said its goodbyes and was replaced by Yetz’s Bagels. This sudden change was devastating to thousands of UC Santa Barbara students. 

On Friday, Oct. 25, Trump paid an evening visit to Isla Vista with the intention of garnering more Gen Z votes by going door to door and convincing inebriated college students to “let him see” their mail-in ballots. However, upon seeing the new Yetz’s Bagels where Dank Bowls used to be, Trump quickly changed his tactic and declared his desire to reinstate Dank Bowls. 

Trump staged a small rally outside of Yetz’s Bagels, leading chants of “We want Dank Bowls,” recruiting costumed party goers on their way to DP to join his cause, and being a massive annoyance to the employees of every single store along Embarcadero del Mar and Pardall Road. 

“I like bagels. Everybody likes bagels. I think bagels are great,” Trump said. “But we don’t need another bagel place. We already have a bagel place. There’s too many! That’s why Dank Bowls was so great. Where else can you get a mac and cheese bread bowl? There’s literally no other place in the whole country.” 

Since the promise was made on Friday, 69% of UCSB students who previously reported themselves as Harris supporters have admitted to thinking about changing their vote.

“It’s tough, man,” second-year economics major Brandon Whiteman said. “I mean, my girlfriend told me to vote for Kamala, but I’m lowkey really craving a Mac Daddy. If Trump’s gonna bring them back, I feel like I might have to switch up my vote.” 

Even freshmen, who have never experienced Dank Bowls for themselves, seem in favor of the restoration.

“I mean, I don’t really care about like, politics and stuff,” first-year political science major Brittney Riche said. “But Dank Bowls sounds yum. And I like IV Bagel Cafe more than Yetz’s anyway.”

This promise is expected to tip the entire election in Trump’s favor. The chances of him actually following through on any promise at all are slim to none.