Nexustentialism

May 25, 2018

Coffee Spill in Harold Frank Hall Befouls Five Backpacks

By Clayton Alexander

In a press briefing early this morning, CSO Chief, Copson Robberts, confirmed the rumors that a total of five backpacks were destroyed in an unfortunate coffee accident in Harold Frank Hall’s main lecturing hall.

May 24, 2018

Student Taking Grad Photos at Henley Gate Almost Gets Run Over

By Erin Lubitz

In a developing story, senior Jenny Lawrence almost got run over by four different cars while taking her grad photos at Henley Gate this past Monday.

May 23, 2018

Another Trash Article by Daily Nexus Reporter

By Mookie

A failed high school rapper and even more unfortunate writer was sighted last week publishing articles in school newspaper The Daily Nexus.

May 22, 2018

Wow! This Student Cleared an Entire Row by Mouth-Breathing!

By Hannah Jackson

Exasperated by cramped lecture hall seating comparable only to that of the economy class of a budget airline, local freshman Tyler Franklin has decided to take a stand.

May 21, 2018

Eurasian Collared Doves Annex Entire Campus, Demand Property Rights

By Yevgeniy Yakusevich

Sure, humans write deeds to prove property ownership, but the fact of the matter is doves can’t read.

May 18, 2018

The Real Vote on Divestment Was the Friends We Made Along the Way

By Ollie Tabooger, Mookie

“I know we didn't decide on anything or even discuss it, but I was stoked to get to sit next to my buddy all night,” stated one senator.

May 17, 2018

We’ve Run out of Ideas, so It’s Time to Rank Bread

By Mia Roncati

Fuck it, we ranked the bread.

May 17, 2018

No Shit! New Portola Will Still Give You Food Poisoning

By Hannah Jackson

As it turns out, new Portola is still steadfast in its unwavering commitment to fucking up your digestive system.  

May 16, 2018

Over Fortnite? Here’s a New Pastime for UCSB Students!

By Anat Katzir

A new game of our daily activities and sights in Isla Vista that's designed to help you level up!

May 15, 2018

Nexustential Crisis: How to Beer Die Bro

By Emma Demorest, Vianna Mabanag

An exclusive look into the secret life of beer die bros from the genius journalists of Nexustentialism!

May 14, 2018

The Truth Behind the UCen Bird

By Hannah Jackson

The truth behind the UCen bird is finally revealed with a shocking twist...

May 11, 2018

Chats with Chad, Mother’s Day Edition: Are Moms Girls?

By Chad DeLabia

Moms. We all have them – even if you don’t have a belly button, like me.

May 10, 2018

Couple Publicly Spooning Outside Lecture Hall Has Really Good Reason for It We Promise

By Annie Pepper

It has totally strengthened our relationship.

May 9, 2018

UC Releases Additional Statement on AFSCME 3299 Strike

By Trigh Me

The University of California has released an additional statement regarding their stance on the strike.

May 8, 2018

Pubes Still Pissed You Shaved Them, Promise Vengeance

By Your Pubes

We didn’t say it was easy being well groomed.

May 7, 2018

Jewish Frat Boy Asks, “Is Eating Pussy Kosher for Passover?”

By Camille Horenstein

And Tiffany asked, “what’s Passover?”