Courtesy of PxHere

Based on real UCSB bathroom graffiti, here are the 5 UCSB girls you will meet based on these quotes somebody probably wrote while they were pooping!

1. The Freshman Virgin

Also known as the only virgin you are going to meet. Finding a virgin past freshman year is like

finding a surfer boy with shoes: non-existent. This young lady has clearly been necking with a

senior boy if she’s getting the big O (or she’s lying).

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus

2. The Stoner

Here we have 95 percent of the student body population. If you enter any home in Isla Vista,

you are bound to find some sort of weed paraphernalia, typically in the form of a bong

apparatus. Philosophical rantings will follow your first, “Heyyyy dudette.”

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus

3. The “Man-hating” sorority girl

This typically takes about two to three weeks for a sorority girl to start hating the fraternity

pledge they fell in love with at first sight, despite him blatantly labeling himself “King of the

Bitches.” Whoever Tony is has probably moved onto her sorority sister by now… Sorry sweetie.

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus

4. The Feminist Lesbian

A rare breed indeed on this campus, but they exist. What else is college for but experimenting,

am I right? Can’t go wrong trusting a bathroom stall.

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus

5. The Politically Correct World Savior

What’s a plastic bag?! These girls have never even HEARD of such a thing. And do NOT get them

started on the patriarchal, oppressive, capitalist, masculine, aggressive and

non-environmentally friendly presidential regime.

Where to find them: Campus United, baby. Welcome to Hell.

Mia Roncati / Daily Nexus


Mia Roncati is a fourth-year Wumbology student and for SURE didn’t write any of these quotes.