Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

August 23, 2018

First Three People Freshman Encounters Seemingly Become Best Friends For Rest of College

By Daniel Carroll

Bonding over living on the same floor, loving avocados and enjoying getting shithouse plastered four nights a week, freshman Bailey Simpson stumbled upon her three best friends for the rest of college within the first ha...

August 16, 2018

Top 10 Places in I.V. Where Boys Have Made Me Cry

By Ollie Tabooger

Whether you can relate to this or it makes you feel better about your own healthy relationships, here’s a list of the top 10 places a boy has made me cry in I.V.!

August 14, 2018

Style Watch: JORTS

By Hannah Jackson

We sent reporter Hannah Jackson deep into Eastern Europe to forecast the hottest trends, soon to be coming our way: JORTS.

August 7, 2018

Internship Reveals Run of the Mill Trajectory of Rest of Life

By Daniel Carroll

Noting the rampant bitterness of his superiors for their long hours and monotonous daily routines, accounting intern Jackson Conners confirmed the unremarkable essence of the remainder of his days as a living being.

July 31, 2018

How to Be Country in I.V.

By Maura Fox

We all know how country folk are regarded in Isla Vista, so here are some tips on living a country life in I.V.

July 24, 2018

10 Things You Can Buy Now That Tuition is $60 Cheaper

By Hannah Jackson

Now that your tuition is lowered by $60, here's what you can buy with all that extra cash! Thanks, UC Regents!

July 17, 2018

Best Places To Get Sunburned at UCSB

By Mel A. Noma

UCSB is a notoriously sunny and beautiful place. Here are the top five places to soak up the sun and get burned way faster than you’re willing to admit to any of your friends!

July 10, 2018

A Look Into Your Sole

By Anat Katzir

Take a quick look to see what your shoe choice says about you!

July 3, 2018

Local Woman Already Bored Shitless

By Hannah Jackson

Just a few weeks into the most highly-anticipated season of the year, area woman Crissy Anderson is already bored shitless.

June 26, 2018

Local Trump Supporter Reflects on Detained Children: I, Too Have Been Sent to Detention

By Trigh Mebish

UCSB transfer student Chad DeLabia is reportedly “super confused” as to why this whole immigration thing is so darn controversial.

June 22, 2018

Brother, can you spare a trash?

By Grr M. Pache

Hells lo, my names is Grrr M. Pache. I is racoon who lives in tree behind big human tree with top.

June 8, 2018

Not Too Late for Something Weird to Still Happen

By Clayton Alexander

Here we are in Week 10, and it just occurred to me that no big meteorological or geographical catastrophe has taken place.

June 7, 2018

Senior Woman Has One Week Left to Find Provider

By Emma Demorest

Sidney Davis, a fourth-year economics major, became stressed this week at the realization that she is about to graduate without being in a stable heterosexual relationship that could end in marriage.

June 7, 2018

Farewell from the Outgoing Nexustentialism Editor

By Erin Lubitz

The Nexustentialism editor from the 2017-2018 school year says goodbye to her beloved section.

June 6, 2018

UCen Post Office Staff Think They’re Better Than You

By Anat Katzir

A new hierarchy has presented itself at UCSB. Not related to Associated Students or the Office of Student Affairs, rather the University Center Post Office.