Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Have you messily entangled yourself into a long-distance relationship with your high school sweetheart at least somewhat unintentionally? Was this an attempt to avoid the awkward “I still like you but not enough to put the effort into an LDR and also I wanna be able to hook up with randos at parties without a heavy layer of guilt weighing on top of my newly acquired freshman 15” talk? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Here are the five staples of navigating your freshman year long-distance relationship before it inevitably comes to a sad and pathetic end a month and a half into the school year!

1. Sending/receiving dick pics with the words “I miss you <3” written over them.

This classic sentiment is really all you need to juice up the usual, boring dick pics that are typically exchanged and add some spice into your relationship.

2. Crying into the outdoor lounge chairs because they didn’t call you back and you don’t want your roommates to ask questions.

An obligatory measure to cope with your partner losing interest in you as the days go by!

3. Getting your S.O. to drive halfway up the state of California to visit you and spending the weekend being all over each other in a gross and definitely not socially acceptable way.

What? We missed each other…

4. Feeling like you’re single because you no longer have that special someone near you to spend your free time with.

Something you’ll have to get used to feeling!

5. Checking their location on Snap Map repeatedly to see when they were last active on Snapchat to make sure they’re not ignoring you.

Okay, we know you did this back at home, but the distance just amplifies this destructive habit.

Even if your relationship does come to end, it’s important to remember that when it comes to college, there are plenty of horny people willing to hook up at the drop of the hat. Although the end of your relationship is sad, it also opens you up to so many new possibilities. So get out there, Gauchos!


Jen Alcott is a first-year who has yet to be caught stealing cups from DLG.