Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

June 12, 2017

My Sext Got Left on Read: Here’s My Story

By Diana Prince

Long story short, my award-winning paragraph of graphic erotica got left on read.

June 9, 2017

Professor Institutes ‘Trial by Combat’ Test Format

By Will McIntosh

Sources confirmed yesterday that an upper division physics professor, who has asked to remain anonymous, has hired a handful of retired WWE wrestlers to challenge students in cage-match-style combat.

June 6, 2017

A Slice of the Upper Crust: Protests Rise Against Dining Commons Bread

By Lauren Jensen

The dining commons are well known for their widespread range of bakery items, especially their flavors of homemade breads. However, a group of passionate students have taken it upon themselves to end the so-called madnes...

June 5, 2017

The Definitive Chancellor Yang Trivia Quiz

By Jenny De La Cuadra

After feasting on some delicious little sandwiches and pasta salad, we asked the main man the questions that really mattered.

May 31, 2017

If Tour Guides Told the Truth

By Lil Furnace

Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?

May 30, 2017

New Study Shows There Aren’t Plenty of Fish in the Sea

By Clayton Alexander

In a recent study published by UCSB’s Aquatics Research Department, research has concluded that there are, in fact, not plenty of fish in the sea.

May 26, 2017

9 (Easy) Steps to Instagram Fame

By Ariana Marmolejo

It’s all about those little red hearts underneath your perfectly candid picture that validate your very existence!

May 25, 2017

He Wanted Me to Pledge CALPIRG, But I Pledged My Heart

By Emma Lee

Three years, two dogs and countless games of Gauchoball later, we’re still together and happier than we ever have been.

May 23, 2017

Top 5 Things Every Senior has to do Before Graduating

By Mia Roncati

Here is the ultimate, most amazing, super fun, totally Gaucho, UCSB bucket list for graduating seniors.

May 22, 2017

Extravaganza Mistaken for ‘Extra’ Festival

By Lauren Jensen

A portion of students misinterpreted the name of “Extravaganza,” UCSB’s annual music festival, as something entirely different

May 18, 2017

U.S. Interferes in North Carrillo Lunch

By Emily Anne Williams

Chaos ensued last week when a local office for the U.S. Food and Drug Administration booked Carillo’s Mountainview Room for a staff meeting.

May 17, 2017

Tinder Name Ideas for UCSB Cyclists

By Vianna Mabanag

A double-entendre homage to UCSB’s two main activities: dating and cycling.

May 15, 2017

Break in Review: Frat Phil Recounts Trip to Cabo

By Fraternity Phil

It’s your boy with the poi, your kid with the lid, your son with the concealed carry permit, Frat “Put Your Tits Where I Can See ‘Em” Philskies, dude.