Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

October 17, 2017

Gauchos Have Chip on their Shoulder After Tie

By Carly Kay

After a whole year of anticipation, thousands of Gauchos drunkenly staggered to Harder Stadium on Saturday evening to unite over their contrived love for a sport they know nothing about.

October 11, 2017

USMNT Failure To Have Far Reaching Implications on Me Specifically

By Jenny De La Cuadra

The US Men's soccer team has failed to qualify for next summer's world cup and Jenny both doesn't want to talk about it, yet can't stop talking about it.

October 5, 2017

DP Nightlife Guide for Freshmen

By Vianna Mabanag

Welcome freshmen! First things first: We are not friends. But from the goodness of my heart, I found it within myself to give you this nightlife guide.

September 28, 2017

College Ends as Institution After Students Collectively Decide They’re ‘Not Down’

By Jake Feder

The Twitter-sphere, Facebook-sphere, Instagram-sphere and Snapchat-sphere were all set ablaze this past Sunday morning as the world caught wind of a ground-altering development somehow collectively set in motion by colle...

September 26, 2017

Incoming Freshman Ecstatic About Sharing Space Despite Previous Only Child Experiences

By Carly Kay

Incoming freshman and only child Ella McLeod just arrived at her new glorified closet for three, and she could not be more pumped to get the siblings she never asked for.

September 25, 2017

Rebecca Bell’s 7 Steps to a Perfect Rush!

By Rebecca Bell

I'm here to give you the 4-1-1, what everybody's been up to, the hot gossip. I will tell you everything you need to know about sorority recruitment so you can be as prepared as possible to find your home away from home.

September 12, 2017

Two of My Bitches were in the Club; Thankfully Didn’t Know About Each Other

By Candace Dunkin

Tragedy struck Santa Barbara in the late hours of Saturday night as I stumbled my way out of the back of Sharkeez’s bathroom... what happened next will leave you shocked!!!

August 18, 2017

Bland Chicken: Easy Meal or Cultural Appropriation?!

By Carter Wright

When I think back to my childhood, to some of my fondest memories, I often think of food. I remember the smells of my mom’s kitchen, the first time I made my own breakfast and the under-seasoned and overcooked chicken ...

August 9, 2017

Summer Visitors Create Hell for Introverted Students on Campus

By Clayton Alexander

Incoming visitors from Family Vacation Center and various touring high schools have led to introverted UCSB students feeling as though their sanity is deteriorating, as they remember how glad they are to be out of high s...