Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

December 7, 2017

Eggbert: A Year in Review

By Eggbert the Alien

As the year comes to a close, Eggbert takes time to reflect on some of the advice he’s given over the course of 2017 and add any additional wisdom he’s picked up along the way.

December 6, 2017

All Final Exams Canceled Due to Power Outage

By Ivana Bangaman

UCSB officials have announced that all finals are to be canceled due to ongoing power and air quality concerns caused by the Thomas fire.

December 5, 2017

Story in Pictures: The Great I.V. Blackout

By Ariana Marmolejo

Kicking off dead week with some added stress, Isla Vista was plunged into darkness late Monday night, likely as a result of raging fires in Ventura County. Many students abandoned studying to storm DP amidst cold weather...

December 1, 2017

Lame Frat Tables Their Parties in Arbor

By Becky Keebler-Johnson

In an unsurprising turn of events, lame-ass frat Sigma Tau Delta has resorted to tabling in The Arbor yesterday just to get people to come to their dumb parties.

November 30, 2017

6 Ways to Fuck Your Bae And Not Your GPA

By George and Maybe

With finals fast approaching we're all running short on time to cram either knowledge or genitalia. Fear not! Below is our illustrated guide on how to make the most of your next two weeks.

November 16, 2017

Emma’s Mom Rates Best Places To Go in I.V.

By Emma Demorest

With parent’s weekend having just passed, we know the reality has hit that you have no clue what to do when parents come visiting. Fear not: Nexustentialism is here to help. And, never one for an unvetted story, we’v...

November 14, 2017

Third-Year Dan Nutmeg Identified as Student Consistently Coughing in Your Lecture

By Emma Demorest

They said it couldn’t be done, but that one guy always coughing in your lectures has finally been identified as third-year biology major Dan Nutmeg.

November 13, 2017

Student Accidentally Changes Majors While Registering on G.O.L.D.

By Sam Sakamoto

Winter quarter registration pass times have quickly arrived, leaving everyone panicking about getting the classes they need while dreaming about the perfect world they will immerse themselves in if they get that exact sc...

November 10, 2017

Ask Eggbert: Important questions for Eggbert

By Eggbert the Alien

Eggbert the Alien is back again and sharing his universally renown wisdom on all things from budding classroom romances to dirty dishes.

November 9, 2017

Top 5 Sexiest Trump Tweets

By Madame Covfefe, SAD Donald

With just over a year since, Nexustentialism reflects on just how unbelievably sexual some of Trump's tweets are. Here's the five that got us the most wet:

November 2, 2017

Freshmen Outraged After Multiple Costumes Go to Waste

By Carly Kay

Several disappointed freshmen have been seen mourning the loss of their high school graduation money after spending it on an arsenal of Halloween costumes fit to combat the Halloweens of Isla Vista’s past. Droves of ea...

November 1, 2017

Ask Eggbert: Study Break

By Eggbert the Alien

While Eggbert the Alien may be new to Earth, he is not new to the pursuit of knowledge. Here, students ask UCSB’s resident alien a few questions about academia, studying for midterms, writing papers and the true meanin...

October 31, 2017

9 Costumes Chancellor Yang Doesn’t Want You to Wear

By The Stench

In a statement from the Office of the Chancellor yesterday, Chancellor Henry T. Yang expressed his wishes for a “peaceful Halloween with limited buffoonery." There were additional calls for students to be conscious of ...

October 30, 2017

Spice It up with Pumpkin Spice Jungle Juice

By Lauren Jensen

Everywhere you go there are pumpkin-spiced treats: cafes, restaurants, bakeries — even Bath & Body Works. If you want to stay home, though, fret not! You too can recreate this delicious taste.

October 28, 2017

Students Redefine ‘Facing off’ Over Halloween Concert Ticket Sales

By Jenny De La Cuadra

Since tickets are now linked with ACCESS cards and ASPB members are patrolling Free & For Sale like over-eager hawks, student’s have now taken to fully assuming the identity of fellow Gauchos to be safe.