Will Tran / Daily Nexus

Ninety percent of Del Playa cliff erosion is caused by dubstep music and loud bass, according to a recent study. The researchers reported that there has yet to be any physical injuries from such “music” outbreaks, yet emotional stress caused by bombastic noise is exponentially increasing.

Most vibrations in the Earth’s  sediment can withstand intense resonance frequencies from earthquakes, yet dubstep music has been the first anthropogenic cause of cliff erosion. Albeit some quality music has been able to cancel out the sound coming from certain neighborhood dubstep marathons, the overwhelming force of nature is no match for such sounds. Aside from occasional obscenities thrown at the general area of the source, no action has been taken from either the school or Isla Vista community.

The study has also found that at this rate, Del Playa is at risk of losing not only the cliffside, but its reputation for having good taste in music for parties and “kickbacks.” Some houses have been forced to wear headphones simultaneously, decreasing the social skills of said households, and leading to blood boils that make behavior erratic. Some crowds have decided to avoid Del Playa altogether, as bleeding eardrums “do not attract the opposite sex.”

The correlation between dubstep being played and fuckbois playing can be seen through charts and statistics, but the attempt to explain to said fuckbois that their taste is bad has failed. Additionally, the ratio of music to entire neighborhood in a radius of one mile wanting to hear said music is 300 to one — a staggering new find. The cliff erosion will not cease until the source of “music” is swallowed into the ocean, and even then, there is a chance that the same dubstep might return to the streets of Del Playa one day.

Daniel Mauldin is a proficient music lover who excels at criticizing songs based on how much it sounds like transformers fucking.