Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

March 30, 2017

How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

By Lil Furnace

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.

March 28, 2017

7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

By Lil Furnace

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!

March 27, 2017

Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

By Lauren Jensen

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs that are visible fr...

March 24, 2017

“My Body, My Feet” Movement Aims to End Unwanted Footsy

By Lane Wright

On Sunday afternoon, a group of impassioned students forewent their studies in favor of chanting “My body! My feet!” while marching in and around Davidson Library.

March 22, 2017

Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

By Jenny De La Cuadra, Will McIntosh

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.

March 21, 2017

5 Most Romantic Spaces in the Library

By Emily Anne Williams

Are you afraid the love of your life might slip away because all you can think about are blue books and essay prompts? Have no fear! Nexustentialism is here to save your unraveling relationships.

March 16, 2017

What Your St. Paddy’s Day Outfit Says About You

By Will McIntosh

It has become common practice to dress up for the holiday with varying degrees of effort. Here’s a few examples of what your St. Paddy’s Day outfit says about you:

March 15, 2017

5 Good Places to Cry at UCSB

By Clayton Alexander

Here is a list of good public places to let loose a few tears ... you simp.

March 14, 2017

Top 8 Places to Break Out into Song and Dance on Campus

By Erin Lubitz

But with the impacted space on the UCSB campus, where does one go to pretend they’re on an open golf course and fully channel their inner Zac Efron?

March 13, 2017

Top 5 Spots for Cathartic Screaming on Campus

By Zoey Brandt

As finals week approaches, the desire to let out some of your stress in the form of a socially unacceptable shriek may threaten to overwhelm you.

March 10, 2017

How To Get a Spring Break Body

By Ariana Marmolejo

But fear not! We have the perfect answer to the burning question plaguing the millennial generation.

March 9, 2017

6 Pictures of Henry T. Yang Being a Silly, Silly Goose!!

By Amos G. Buttersnatch, Reptilia Ornthbee

We all know Chancellor Henry T. Yang can be a goofball sometimes, but what you’re about to see will certainly make you lose control of your bowels! This stack of photos left behind at a local Chuck E. Cheese’s reveal...