"This crowd pleaser is an innovative take on the classic gazpacho. Ortega chefs insist that this dish was in fact heavily requested by students and not created due to a tight budget."
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“What we’re seeing is a lot of chairs kind of shriveling up in the cushion part,” Davidson custodian and chair expert Frank Todd said. “Without the farts, they really lose all the life in them...
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“I miss seeing a little action in a pair of Kohl’s jeans some physics guy’s mom bought for them,” said Ass Woman Junkina Trunk, who went on to admit that she’s had to watch playbacks of “t...
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“I never once thought about giving up,” third-year and all-around bland man Krac said. “I decided the least I could do was to give UCSB a smidge of normalcy during this tumultuous time.”
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The I.V. residents Nexustentialism spoke with all seemed to share a unanimous sense of reassurance in knowing that COVID-19 would not be infiltrating the sanctity of this yearly ritual.
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Since such things like global pandemics, once thought to be outdated, have come back around, why not revive some highlights of yesteryear while we’re at it!
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“I mean, are we facing major, necessary systemic changes as a country? Sure. Do we live our lives differently because of a deadly untreatable virus? Of course. That’s why I think it’s so importa...
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“I don’t really remember what sex is like at this point,” Laeid said. “So putting my dough in the oven is about as close as I’ll get to seeing anything rise.”
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A new job opportunity has opened up for students on campus this week at UCSB’s Transportation and Parking Services. Not just anyone can apply, however. To obtain a position within the department, Tr...
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Last week marked the last of fall quarter finals for most UCSB students. This proved to be both a blessing and a curse for student Jake Gladstone, whose soul left his body sometime aroun...
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In an effort to keep up with burgeoning young artists like Lil Yachty, Lil Baby and Lil Pump (to name but a few), locally venerated celebrity and big “vibes guy” Jack Johnson informed the p...
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Local vegan Ian Greenberg shocked friends and family this week when he admitted that — as a vegan — he abstains from eating his own boogers. “Like damn man,” said Ian’s close friend, Greg ...
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With collective pressure on California universities to better student health services, UCSB’s Counseling and Psychological Services program has launched a groundbreaking “See the Sunny Side...
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As many are aware, the idea behind Storke Tower came as a fever dream that then-chancellor Conrad H. Hornbreau had while fighting what would ultimately become a fatal bout of dysentery. Initially disi...
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Medics were called early this week to the aid of third-year Gabby Trinkino, whose bloodied foot was hard to ignore by many who passed her by on Pardall. Trinkino, an environmental studies maj...
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Choked by their cap tassel during a graduation photoshoot
Accidentally daps the Chancellor up as they receive their diploma
Decided to skip commencement to go day drink on Del Playa
Ugly crying so hard they drown out "Pomp and Circumstance"
Posing on stage like there's a model scout in the audience (there was)
Can't make it up the steps due to the sheer amount of cords, stoles, and leis
Couldn't decide on a grad dress so they showed up in pajamas under their gown
Showed up to commencement high and suffering from horrendous munchies
Somehow juggling the 15 ceremonies required for their triple major
Graduated with a 5 year plan, chronic anxiety, and a great internship
Reading Kafka in the audience in hopes of an honorary English degree
had their graduation photos taken in the lagoon to be different
