Since such things like global pandemics, once thought to be outdated, have come back around, why not revive some trends of the past while we’re at it! Below are some highlights of yesteryear that Nexustentialism predicts we can look forward to making a comeback.
That’s right, dowries are back, and better than ever. For those born past 1925, think of a dowry as a marital goodie bag, but only for the men. The women, obviously, don’t get one but instead can only hope that herself and her family have prepared one good enough to entice the man she hopes to take her hand. What can you start putting together for your personal dowry, you ask? Nexustentialism recommends a small herd of livestock, a bag or two of grains or some kind of silver houseware (think candlesticks).
Making Your Own Butter
Normalize butter making! Like most things before the year 1990, this activity takes tons of time and energy and is super easy to fuck up, but who can deny the endless fun one feels while mushing and mushing that buttermilk from your very own cow (also you will need a cow for this) with a wooden spoon for upwards of five hours?!
Those Bikes With the Huge Ass Wheels
Students of UCSB can rejoice and do away with their dull, rusting fixies or their freshman-year cruisers with the cupholders still attached. These 19th century bikes have everything; a wheel so big you’ll crush anyone that crosses your path in the bike loop, and a wheel so small you might just forget it’s there. Most importantly, bike thieves won’t be able to steal this baby, because — a true marvel of physics — no one on God’s green earth understands how to ride it.
We know what you’re thinking. “Why would we, college students of Isla Vista, need a barn to even raise?!” Well, we’ll tell you. First of all, you’re going to need somewhere to put your cow, with all that butter you’re going to make. With it’s mix of physically demanding work and amazing (barn) outcome, D.P. parties and weekly T.G.s have nothing on this social event. Make sure to BYO tools and a good snack (may we suggest a pie, or some kind of jam?). Who knows, while raising those planks and hammering down that siding, you could meet the partner of your dreams.
Cocaine in Everything
Because we think everyone can agree, we need a little something to take the edge off.
Emma Demorest wonders if she’ll ever wed since her dowry consists of only a DVD box set of 30 Rock and a pack of frozen Trader Joe’s latkes.