Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Somewhere, Calif. –– In a spectacular yet relatable blunder this weekend, freshman Greg Harrison somehow ended up riding a SBMTD bus over 150 miles to the suburbs of Los Angeles while tryin...
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It’s the time of year when our beloved Blue-Green rivalry is in full swing. Soccer players are soccer playing, Gauchos are Loco-ing and everyone is perfecting their “Fuck Cal Poly” cheers. But...
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We have all had the experience of sitting next to someone in a lecture hall and being assaulted by the smell of your neighbor. While I firmly believe that anyone can stink or smell incredible, ...
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The notorious UCSB mountain lion has reportedly had a successful first week at school. After moving into his dorm in FT, his RA, B. Trayal, expressed gratitude for how smooth Mountain Lion made...
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Isla Vista, Calif. — Having recently moved into his (and his eight roommates’) new apartment on the 65 block of Sabado Tarde, second-year student, Jacob Greene, finally got a good, close lo...
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As many are aware, the idea behind Storke Tower came as a fever dream that then-chancellor Conrad H. Hornbreau had while fighting what would ultimately become a fatal bout of dysentery. Initially disi...
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A river of tears sprung from the face of incoming freshman Enya Stein last week as she helplessly puzzled through her first encounter with the UC Santa Barbara bike paths. Stein, despite grad...
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Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of San Nicolas. “Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whis...
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ISLA VISTA, Calif. – After weeks of research conducted by UCSB’s Department of Environmental Studies, scientists have finally been able to pinpoint the cause of Isla Vista’s unusually foggy summ...
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Medics were called early this week to the aid of third-year Gabby Trinkino, whose bloodied foot was hard to ignore by many who passed her by on Pardall. Trinkino, an environmental studies maj...
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Fourth years Elijah Borf and Daniel Rodriguez discovered this week that friend and housemate Ethan Roberts actually has a pretty fucking rich dad. This discovery ties a lot of loose ends together for ...
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The photo in question, which Romero will point to when referencing her boyfriend and telling new roommates and friends that she already has one, will be a printed photo from Snapchat.
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“Oh, this summer’s going to be an absolute movieeeeeeee! The time of our lives!”
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Following protests over the construction of the Thirty Meter Telescope on the slopes of Mauna Kea in Hawaii, Disney® Resorts has announced construction plans for a new Space Mountain™-themed roller...
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Breaking: It has recently dawned on incoming junior Marissa Torrez that close friend and housemate Alexandra Lee manages each year to somehow have all the internships. Amidst many Facebook posts voi...
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“24K Magic” by Bruno Mars
“folklore” by Taylor Swift
“Jagged Little Pill” by Alanis Morissette
“Graceland” by Paul Simon
“25” by Adele
“The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” by Lauryn Hill
“WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?” by Billie Eilish
“Falling into You” by Celine Dion
“Harry’s House” by Harry Styles
“Babel” by Mumford & Sons
“Random Access Memories” by Daft Punk
“Golden Hour” by Kacey Musgraves
