Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Well folks, you heard it here first. Our beloved Chancellor, Henry T. Yang, will be headlining this year’s Extravaganza festival, according to A.S. Program Board, who announced the lineup yesterday....
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Today, nearly a whole business week before Extravaganza celebrations are due to begin, UCSB student Molly Poppins decided to preemptively get in the spirit of the festival the only way she knows how -...
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ISLA VISTA, CALIFORNIA — A bold and valiant display of heroism took place in the wee hours of Saturday morning when local man Bryce Daniels performed oral sex on his girlfriend Jessica Payton.
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This past Tuesday, Professor Joe Kerr of environmental studies accidentally misprinted the midterm for a class of over 800 students. As it turns out, Kerr printed a midterm from Winter Quarter three y...
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Earlier this week, during the daily lunch-rush feeding frenzy at the University Center’s Panda Express, the wait time for this inauthentic — yet no less delicious — cuisine reached an all-time h...
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In an effort to acquire young single listeners, Spotify has released an eight-hour-long playlist featuring the ambient back-and-forths of couples arguing. The “Couples Arguing” playlist features a...
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Freshmen, you’ve almost made it through your first year of college, and we at Nexustentialism would like to sincerely congratulate you! We believe that a fitting celebration would be mentally breaki...
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Students of History 178B: US Wealth and Poverty have found that somehow, all class content ties back to non-traditional and fellow student Tammy Oblesky’s son, Ethan.
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After switching her major from biochemistry to medieval studies, third-year Ima Noying has longed to fill the empty void in her heart that used to be nourished by the steady source of suffering associ...
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This alumni weekend was said to cause nostalgia in old Gauchos who came back for one last hurrah. So much nostalgia, in fact, that multiple alumni were seen trying to rekindle romances with their drun...
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This weekend, in unprecedented fashion, Isla Vista witnessed an absolute first that shocked the local authorities. What was that first? Isla Vista experienced no racist incidents for the first time si...
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Alumni weekend provides former Gauchos a chance to escape the grueling reality of adulthood by letting them roam around their old stomping grounds to relive the peak of their existence. Between awkwar...
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In eager anticipation for the 2019 UC Santa Barbara Alumni Weekend, Isla Vista’s own retirement home, Friendship Manor, is planning a spring rush in the hopes of gaining pledges in the form of UCSB'...
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A lot can change in a year. Students come and go, relationships will form and crumble and people keep deciding to switch majors. However, some things will never change.
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It’s almost alumni weekend here at UCSB, and with flocks of former Gauchos returning to campus, the university’s academic ranking is dropping by the second.
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
