Storke in the Age of COVID-19: UCSB’s Favorite Tower To Chime Each Hour on New Facebook Livestream

  Upon the March 25 announcement that UC Santa Barbara officials had “no intention” to adjust tuition for a remote spring quarter, students were forced to face the harsh reality that all thei...
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Phony in Phelps! TA Actually Eight Raccoons in Button-up, Khakis

PHELPS HALL — A wave of disillusionment fell over the faces of 20 wide-eyed pupils Thursday upon their discovery that their beloved teaching assistant, lack of living wage and all, was not the mathe...
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UCSB Introduces Department of Student Vibes

UC Santa Barbara officials announced Tuesday that an all-new student-resource department would be making its way to campus in the fall of 2020: the Department of Student Vibes. In the brand-new Studen...
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Excess Waffle Batter Oozing from Waffle Machine Reminder That You’re a Failure

ORTEGA DINING COMMONS ‒ A shallow pool of wasted waffle batter solemnly finds itself spread out upon a pitiful tin pan underneath the machine for which it was intended. For second-year student Emma ...
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Heroes of Isla Vista: Hoe Doesn’t Get Cold

ISLA VISTA, CALIF. — Third-year student Lindsay Thompson has been turning heads this frigid winter quarter in the classic tube top and miniskirt combo — but Thompson, a Santa Barbara six at best, ...
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Horoscopes: Fart Edition

  ARIES (March 21 – April 19) See how long you can make your next fart last. You may be surprised by the result.   GEMINI (May 21- June 20) Be on the watch for two farts for the price ...
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How to Survive UCSB Flu Season

  It’s that time of year again — the skeletons are both spooky and scary, the usually bustling streets of Isla Vista have grown hauntingly quiet and during lecture, you’re surrounded on all...
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Freshman and Former NASA Intern Can’t Wrap Head Around Bike Loops

  A river of tears sprung from the face of incoming freshman Enya Stein last week as she helplessly puzzled through her first encounter with the UC Santa Barbara bike paths.  Stein, despite grad...
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