ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
- See how long you can make your next fart last. You may be surprised by the result.
GEMINI (May 21- June 20)
- Be on the watch for two farts for the price of one.
CANCER (June 21- July 22)
- You may be struck with a need to fart in an unlikely circumstance. Trust your ability to adapt.
LEO (July 23- August 22)
- When it comes to Leo farts, it’s best to be loud and proud.
VIRGO (August 23- September 22)
- If at first your fart doesn’t succeed, try, try, try again.
LIBRA (September 23- October 22)
- Your next fart will be not too long, not too loud, not too short, not too quiet. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)
- You smell.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22- December 21)
- Don’t get too ambitious with your next fart, or your hubris will be your downfall.
CAPRICORN (December 22- January 19)
- When they say “silent but deadly,” they’re talking about you.
AQUARIUS (January 20- February 18)
- If you think fart jokes aren’t funny, you’re entitled to your own opinion.
PISCES (February 19- March 20)
- Remember your roots. Be careful when you toots.