Emma Demorest / Daily Nexus

Fourth years Elijah Borf and Daniel Rodriguez discovered this week that friend and housemate Ethan Roberts actually has a pretty fucking rich dad. This discovery ties a lot of loose ends together for Borf and Rodriguez, who were never quite sure as to why Roberts never seemed to wash a single dish, wipe a single counter or even sweep anything – ever. 

“It finally makes sense,” a satisfied Rodriguez confided to a Nexustentialism reporter. “I always just assumed he was using someone else’s HBO account, but it’s actually his own!” 

This discovery came after Roberts’ dad, an entrepreneur based in San Diego, came to help his son move into the group’s DP home with two hired moving trucks and a local interior designer to add some “finishing touches” to Ethan’s single. 

Borf and Rodriguez began to suspect Roberts was severely lazy when, as a freshman, he went an entire year without washing his sheets and let a whole can of spilled Busch dry on his desk without doing a damn thing about it. 

Despite Roberts’ inability to contribute to any cleaning situation, Borf and Rodriguez continue to enjoy Roberts’ company because he shares really funny memes and has a cool jacket.

For Borf and Rodriguez, Roberts’ wealth also explains why he is always boating in the summers and why he can pay for coke all the time. 


Sam Penn’s situation may seem similar to Ethan’s but is WAY different because his dad lives in Menlo Park.