Somewhere, Calif. –– In a spectacular yet relatable blunder this weekend, freshman Greg Harrison somehow ended up riding a SBMTD bus over 150 miles to the suburbs of Los Angeles while trying to take the 24X from campus to FT. Harrison was reportedly trying to make it to Portola Dining Commons for dinner when his meandering metro adventure started and is now lost, afraid and so hungry that dinner at Portola sounds like a good idea.
Nexustentialism caught up with several of Harrison’s would-be dining companions (all FT natives) in hopes of finding out more about the transportation tragedy that befell him.
“I honestly don’t know why he even wanted to come here for dinner when DLG is both on campus and, like, wayyyy better,” said Harrison’s friend, who identified himself only as “The Man.” Mr. Man, having clearly given up hope that his friend would make it to Portola before closing time, then solemnly took a place in line for the highly coveted waffle-maker.
When the Nexustentialism eventually tracked down the hopelessly lost freshman to ask for his comment on the situation, he had only the following to say.
“Do you know how to get back? My phone is dead and I want to call my mom,” Harrison said to our reporter, who caught up with the lost traveler in the field. “I don’t know where I am. Can you please help me?”
Our reporter chose not to lend their cellphone to the weary vagabond in order to preserve the integrity of the story. And although Nexustentialism respects and supports this choice, we are saddened to report the student has not been seen since.
While many new students find themselves bewildered by the machinations of the Santa Barbara Metropolitan Transit Department, few find themselves led as astray as poor Harrison. With bus-route literacy dropping lower with each new incoming class, UCSB may soon have an epidemic of lost students scattered throughout Southern California. With any luck, however, most of them will figure it out eventually — either that, or they’ll be forever lost to the labyrinthian abyss of the SBMTD bus routes, in which case: problem solved!
Max Myszkowski has a love-hate relationship with public transportation.