WASHINGTON –– Following the violent insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, extensive security measures have been planned for the inauguration proceedings this Wednesday. Chief among these is the choice...
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“The lengthening effect was witnessed almost immediately,” said the Student Health nurse who administered Storke the vaccine. “As was a slight increase in girth, though those effects have yet to...
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There's definitely something going on with A.S. right now and we'd tell you what it is, but we honestly don't really care enough to look into it.
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“It’s a shame he can’t socially distance his mouth from his nose.”
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Sometimes, I just have to stop and look back in awe at how far I’ve come in these past few months: from a sickly bat in a Wuhan meat-market all the way across the world to your neighbor’s lukewarm...
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With no bees left to save, CALPIRG unfortunately had no choice but to move on to the next closest insect.
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Come take a look at an all-new line of never-before-seen Pandemic-mon, a legally distinct brand of pocket-sized fighting monsters!
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Following contact with a coronavirus-infected individual at a conservative conference last week, Senator Ted Cruz voluntarily instated a self-quarantine, which, due to popular demand, has been extende...
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BUCHANAN HALL — Following a senseless act of vandalism in the Buchanan girls bathrooms, Chancellor Henry Yang released a statement today announcing that the bathroom privileges previously enjoyed by...
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In a statement released this afternoon, the UCSB Honors Program announced it would be automatically accepting all applicants who can ride their bikes with no hands. “It is our belief that students w...
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In the wake of a series of vaping-related maladies across the country, researchers in the UC Santa Barbara biology department have recently conducted a study regarding the mortality rates of in...
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The Honeysticks recently lit up Storke Plaza with some of their distinctive indie-rock music, playing for over an hour and bringing much-needed good vibes to campus.
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1600 Pennsylvania Ave. –– Shortly after hearing of a unanimous Associated Students Senate vote passing a resolution in support of his own impeachment, President Donald J. Trump immediately announc...
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U-CEN BIKE RACKS — Returning from a late-night study session, student Joe Schmoe was greeted with the supreme earthly delight of an absolutely sopping wet bicycle seat. This soggy conclusion to his ...
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Reports are streaming in that second-year student Ava Turst reportedly used her roommate’s “goddamn” Brita filter without filling it back up afterwards. This allegation falls in the wake ...
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“No Chick-fil-A sauce?”
The Jojo Siwa dance
“It’s like I’m just partying every single weekend…”
“No sleep! Bus, club, another club”
"Baddie Baddie shot O’Clock"
“Berries and Cream…”
“Umm I never went to oovoo Javer”
“You spilled lipstick in my Valentino white bag”
“STOP, I could’ve dropped my croissant”
The Henry Danger memes
“Play Dress To Impress with my baddies”
“You are now one of my elite employees”
