God Is Dead: 5 Exciting New Deities to Worship This Spring Quarter

Wow! With so many wonderful options, it’s hard to pick just one! We at Nexustentialism sincerely hope this map through the spiritual realm will land you in a place of inner peace this Spring.
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Blackberry Jalapeño Margarita

If you’ve never tried mezcal, this smoky, spicy drink will blow you away!
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New Zoom Update Allows You To Sort By Who’s Hottest

First, we send all the users who appear to be paying attention to the back to weed out the fucking nerds. Once they’re gone, we rate the rest of the participants on 145 different traits, including ...
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Drinks for Two: Valentine’s Day Cocktail Recipes

For those over 21 years of age, these cocktails offer a delicious treat this season to share with loved ones or enjoy by yourself. 
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Mike’s Hard Vaccine To Be Distributed at Student Health

You can now make an appointment on GOLD to be administered Mike’s Hard Vaccine today, or find them being passed out at your local dayger.
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Weekly COVID-19 Test Recipients Growing Bold, Kinky

UCSB recently made the decision to reopen select university-owned apartments for Winter 2021 in what we can only assume is an attempt to stop hemorrhaging money. The selective application process allo...
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Cookies for Santa

There’s no better way to welcome Saint Nick into your home than with a fresh batch of cookies and a nice, cold glass of milk.
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The Quest for the Perfect Gluten-Free Nugget

I took on the immense responsibility of stuffing myself full of different brands of GF nuggets to bring a ranking of the more readily available brands to the masses.
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Chili Paprika Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

This recipe is quick, easy, delicious and reduces waste.
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Delicious Celery Chicken Stir Fry

This dish makes for a great arrow in your quick weeknight dinner quiver.
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Embermill: Perfect for an Adventurous Eater

This Caribbean-Creole restaurant doesn’t sacrifice any quality by trying to cook too far outside the box.
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C.A.P.S. To Offer Online Counseling in Form of Smiley Face PDF

UCSB’s Counseling & Psychological Services has just announced that it will now be offering online counseling in the form of a pre-made smiley face PDF, which your C.A.P.S. specialist will person...
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Uh Oh! Professor Accidentally Uploads Entire Campus to GauchoSpace

SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE –– In a spectacular technological blunder late last night, one professor accidentally moved the entire UCSB campus to GauchoSpace while trying to upload a lecture to the we...
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Local Stoner Commended by Community for Constant Stream of Smoking Content

Local stoner Kelly Smith, better known by her Snapchat pseudonym “Phatty Dabz,” has recently been recognized by the community for the constant stream of smoking videos she uploads daily to her Sna...
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Ahoy Matey! Capsized Sailboat To Be Turned Into “First-Year Living Community”

  A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsize...
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