UCSB’s Counseling & Psychological Services has just announced that it will now be offering online counseling in the form of a pre-made smiley face PDF, which your C.A.P.S. specialist will person...
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SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE –– In a spectacular technological blunder late last night, one professor accidentally moved the entire UCSB campus to GauchoSpace while trying to upload a lecture to the we...
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Local stoner Kelly Smith, better known by her Snapchat pseudonym “Phatty Dabz,” has recently been recognized by the community for the constant stream of smoking videos she uploads daily to her Sna...
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A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsize...
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Having spent the previous weekend at Chico State doing keg stands and shotgunning beers with her son, “cool mom” Karen Smith, proud parent of a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, was thrilled at...
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Step 1: Check to see if you have a brain Knock knock! Who’s there? It’s your cerebral cortex, silly! Give your ol’ dome a couple of hearty taps with your knuckles to make sure that little...
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Popular I.V. rapper Lil’ Bestos has been preaching defiance after realizing that there is asbestos in his new I.V. apartment. “When I heard that this ‘asbestos’ is a fire retardant,” Bestos ...
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Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of San Nicolas. “Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whis...
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Famous survivalist Bear Grylls announced on Twitter last night that for his next television special, he would be spending a week in the bathroom at Buchanan Hall. “I’ve survived under som...
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Goes to the library all week just to get distracted and never actually study
Drops the class before the test so they don’t have to take it
Drinks nine cups of coffee to pull an all-nighter and cram three weeks’ worth of material
Knows there’s a test, still doesn’t study
Re-watches all of the lectures so there won’t be any surprises on the test
Does all the readings the day before
“Wait, there’s a test???”
Hasn’t watched a single lecture or done any of the readings, switches to P/NP and skips the exam altogether
Popped three Addys, ready to ace that midterm
Lots of Post-it Notes
“Actually, I’ve been studying all quarter”
Stocked up on yerbas, still failed the test
