Blackberry Jalapeño Margarita

February 25, 2021 by

If you’ve never tried mezcal, this smoky, spicy drink will blow you away!
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New Zoom Update Allows You To Sort By Who’s Hottest

February 16, 2021 by

First, we send all the users who appear to be paying attention to the back to weed out the fucking nerds. Once they’re gone, we rate the rest of the participants on 145 different traits, including ...
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Drinks for Two: Valentine’s Day Cocktail Recipes

February 14, 2021 by and

For those over 21 years of age, these cocktails offer a delicious treat this season to share with loved ones or enjoy by yourself. 
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Mike’s Hard Vaccine To Be Distributed at Student Health

January 28, 2021 by

You can now make an appointment on GOLD to be administered Mike’s Hard Vaccine today, or find them being passed out at your local dayger.
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Weekly COVID-19 Test Recipients Growing Bold, Kinky

January 18, 2021 by

UCSB recently made the decision to reopen select university-owned apartments for Winter 2021 in what we can only assume is an attempt to stop hemorrhaging money. The selective application process allo...
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Cookies for Santa

December 22, 2020 by , , , , and

There’s no better way to welcome Saint Nick into your home than with a fresh batch of cookies and a nice, cold glass of milk.
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The Quest for the Perfect Gluten-Free Nugget

November 7, 2020 by

I took on the immense responsibility of stuffing myself full of different brands of GF nuggets to bring a ranking of the more readily available brands to the masses.
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Chili Paprika Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

November 3, 2020 by

This recipe is quick, easy, delicious and reduces waste.
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Delicious Celery Chicken Stir Fry

October 5, 2020 by

This dish makes for a great arrow in your quick weeknight dinner quiver.
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Embermill: Perfect for an Adventurous Eater

September 24, 2020 by

This Caribbean-Creole restaurant doesn’t sacrifice any quality by trying to cook too far outside the box.
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C.A.P.S. To Offer Online Counseling in Form of Smiley Face PDF

April 6, 2020 by

UCSB’s Counseling & Psychological Services has just announced that it will now be offering online counseling in the form of a pre-made smiley face PDF, which your C.A.P.S. specialist will person...
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Uh Oh! Professor Accidentally Uploads Entire Campus to GauchoSpace

April 6, 2020 by

SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE –– In a spectacular technological blunder late last night, one professor accidentally moved the entire UCSB campus to GauchoSpace while trying to upload a lecture to the we...
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Local Stoner Commended by Community for Constant Stream of Smoking Content

December 5, 2019 by

Local stoner Kelly Smith, better known by her Snapchat pseudonym “Phatty Dabz,” has recently been recognized by the community for the constant stream of smoking videos she uploads daily to her Sna...
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Ahoy Matey! Capsized Sailboat To Be Turned Into “First-Year Living Community”

November 14, 2019 by

  A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsize...
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Mom disappointed after parents’ weekend, “thought this was a party school”

November 7, 2019 by

  Having spent the previous weekend at Chico State doing keg stands and shotgunning beers with her son, “cool mom” Karen Smith, proud parent of a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, was thrilled at...
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