Chace Duma

December 5, 2019

Local Stoner Commended by Community for Constant Stream of Smoking Content

By Chace Duma

Local stoner Kelly Smith, better known by her Snapchat pseudonym “Phatty Dabz,” has recently been recognized by the community for the constant stream of smoking videos she uploads daily to her Snapchat story.  “Yo...

November 14, 2019

Ahoy Matey! Capsized Sailboat To Be Turned Into “First-Year Living Community”

By Chace Duma

  A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsized sailboat that has ...

November 7, 2019

Mom disappointed after parents’ weekend, “thought this was a party school”

By Chace Duma

  Having spent the previous weekend at Chico State doing keg stands and shotgunning beers with her son, “cool mom” Karen Smith, proud parent of a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, was thrilled at the idea of visitin...

October 25, 2019

Wikihow: How to spell Nexustentialism

By Chace Duma

  Step 1: Check to see if you have a brain Knock knock! Who’s there? It’s your cerebral cortex, silly! Give your ol’ dome a couple of hearty taps with your knuckles to make sure that little rascal is still rat...

October 14, 2019

Asbestos in Ceiling Won’t Stop I.V. Rapper’s Mixtape From Being Fire

By Chace Duma

Popular I.V. rapper Lil’ Bestos has been preaching defiance after realizing that there is asbestos in his new I.V. apartment. “When I heard that this ‘asbestos’ is a fire retardant,” Bestos said, shooting a gla...

September 12, 2019

Freshman Lauded as “Hall Genius” After Repeatedly Revealing ACT Score and High School GPA to His Floormates

By Chace Duma

  Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of  San Nicolas.  “Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whispered freshman Hugh ...

June 28, 2019

Bear Grylls to Spend Night in Buchanan Bathroom for Next Survival Challenge

By Chace Duma

  Famous survivalist Bear Grylls announced on Twitter last night that for his next television special, he would be spending a week in the bathroom at Buchanan Hall.  “I’ve survived under some of the most intens...