Kian Karamdashti

Kian Karamdashti is an Opinion and Nexustentialism staff writer. He consistently falls asleep in class and enjoys kicking the ball around. He also thinks Vince Staples is criminally underrated.

May 1, 2020

Local Bro Thinks the Ratio at His Childhood Home “Blows”

By Kian Karamdashti

“My mom has no White Claws in the freezer, my little brother isn’t actually a chiller and on the off chance that someone here actually tosses, they all toss low,” Brohanski said.

April 2, 2020

Push-Up Instagram Challenge Cures COVID-19

By Kian Karamdashti

In a turn of events that have shocked and befuddled health officials all around the globe, it seems that a recent Instagram trend, known as the push-up challenge, has eradicated all cases of COVID-19 on the planet...

January 30, 2020

Remembering Kobe: Reflections on the Loss of a Legend

By Kian Karamdashti

"For many people — the poor, sick, rich and down-on-their-luck — Kobe Bryant was the closest thing they ever had to a goddamn superhero."

January 24, 2020

An Ode to Buchanan, The Land That God Forgot

By Kian Karamdashti

Oh, Buchanan Hall, what is there left to say about such an iconic pillar of educational success. There are a lot of distinctive pieces of land on the UCSB campus: Storke Tower, South Hall, the area around the lagoon. Yet...

January 23, 2020

Heroic Bike Crash Bystander Isn’t Going To Stop and Help, But Hopes Everyone is OK

By Kian Karamdashti

Local outstanding citizen Randy Fygel is being hailed as a “local hero” after his actions today following a 27-bike pileup at the bike intersection by the Isla Vista Police station. According to witnesses at the sc...

October 10, 2019

Freshman Gets Trapped in Middle of Storke Tower Bike Loop, Has Panic Attack, Is Rescued

By Kian Karamdashti

In what was certainly a jarring experience, Isla Vista Foot Patrol, the National Guard, Navy SEALs and the local SWAT team were called in to rescue freshman student Francisco Torres after he became trapped in the middle ...

August 22, 2019

Despite Contradicting Claims, Student Really Just Watched Netflix All Summer

By Kian Karamdashti

“Oh, this summer’s going to be an absolute movieeeeeeee! The time of our lives!”

June 22, 2019

An Ode to Summers Past

By Kian Karamdashti

Now that the school year has ended, Kian Karamdashti contemplates how the concept of summer has changed for him.

June 10, 2019

The Politics of A Good Night’s Sleep

By Kian Karamdashti

Examining the social implications of sleep, Kian Karamdashti encourages readers to hit snooze.

May 15, 2019

Student Too Embarrassed to Return to Bike Shop, Walks to Class Instead

By Kian Karamdashti

Pop! Third-year UC Santa Barbara student Anthony Wheeler knew the sound all too well. The back inner tube of his bike had popped and soon the sound of grinding metal on concrete soon grew apparent as he slowly attempted ...

May 2, 2019

The Border Wall Argument Stands on a Shaky Foundation

By Kian Karamdashti

Kian Karamdashti pokes holes in national immigration policy and the argument for a wall at the U.S.-Mexican border.

April 8, 2019

Quarter-Life Crisis: Facing My Fear of Commitment

By Kian Karamdashti

At the ripe old age of 21, Kian Karamdashti experiences a major life crisis.

February 21, 2019

Growing Up Mixed

By Kian Karamdashti

Kian Karamdashti examines the difficulties that come with growing up in a mixed-race household, and how that shaped his early adulthood.

February 21, 2019

Housemate Gets Laid, Can’t Stop Exclaiming, “Man I Didn’t Sleep at All Last Night!”

By Kian Karamdashti

Local resident Virgil Nomo had a busy night last night if you know what I mean, but you probably already heard because he won’t shut up about it.

February 12, 2019

IV Foot Patrol Arrests Tree for Sitting on Curb

By Kian Karamdashti

Protests have begun outside Isla Vista Foot Patrol building after many students have called for the release of Tree, who was arrested outside the building in the early morning of Feb. 2 after falling during a storm and s...

January 18, 2019

Budding 21-Year-Old Entrepreneur to Drop Out and Sell Juul Pods to Underage Friends

By Kian Karamdashti

A 3.87 GPA and multiple summer internship offers were not enough to stop third-year student Niko Teene from dropping out and pursuing financial success in selling Juul pods to his underage friends. Teene’s 21st birthda...