Local Bro Thinks the Ratio at His Childhood Home “Blows”

May 1, 2020 by

“My mom has no White Claws in the freezer, my little brother isn’t actually a chiller and on the off chance that someone here actually tosses, they all toss low,” Brohanski said.
read more

Push-Up Instagram Challenge Cures COVID-19

April 2, 2020 by

  In a turn of events that have shocked and befuddled health officials all around the globe, it seems that a recent Instagram trend, known as the push-up challenge, has eradicated all cases of CO...
read more

Remembering Kobe: Reflections on the Loss of a Legend

January 30, 2020 by

"For many people — the poor, sick, rich and down-on-their-luck — Kobe Bryant was the closest thing they ever had to a goddamn superhero."
read more

An Ode to Buchanan, The Land That God Forgot

January 24, 2020 by

Oh, Buchanan Hall, what is there left to say about such an iconic pillar of educational success. There are a lot of distinctive pieces of land on the UCSB campus: Storke Tower, South Hall, the area ar...
read more

Heroic Bike Crash Bystander Isn’t Going To Stop and Help, But Hopes Everyone is OK

January 23, 2020 by

Local outstanding citizen Randy Fygel is being hailed as a “local hero” after his actions today following a 27-bike pileup at the bike intersection by the Isla Vista Police station.  According to...
read more

Freshman Gets Trapped in Middle of Storke Tower Bike Loop, Has Panic Attack, Is Rescued

October 10, 2019 by

In what was certainly a jarring experience, Isla Vista Foot Patrol, the National Guard, Navy SEALs and the local SWAT team were called in to rescue freshman student Francisco Torres after he became tr...
read more

Despite Contradicting Claims, Student Really Just Watched Netflix All Summer

August 22, 2019 by

“Oh, this summer’s going to be an absolute movieeeeeeee! The time of our lives!”
read more

An Ode to Summers Past

June 22, 2019 by

Now that the school year has ended, Kian Karamdashti contemplates how the concept of summer has changed for him.
read more

The Politics of A Good Night’s Sleep

June 10, 2019 by

Examining the social implications of sleep, Kian Karamdashti encourages readers to hit snooze.
read more

Student Too Embarrassed to Return to Bike Shop, Walks to Class Instead

May 15, 2019 by

Pop! Third-year UC Santa Barbara student Anthony Wheeler knew the sound all too well. The back inner tube of his bike had popped and soon the sound of grinding metal on concrete soon grew apparent as ...
read more

The Border Wall Argument Stands on a Shaky Foundation

May 2, 2019 by

Kian Karamdashti pokes holes in national immigration policy and the argument for a wall at the U.S.-Mexican border.
read more

Quarter-Life Crisis: Facing My Fear of Commitment

April 8, 2019 by

At the ripe old age of 21, Kian Karamdashti experiences a major life crisis.
read more

Growing Up Mixed

February 21, 2019 by

Kian Karamdashti examines the difficulties that come with growing up in a mixed-race household, and how that shaped his early adulthood.
read more

Housemate Gets Laid, Can’t Stop Exclaiming, “Man I Didn’t Sleep at All Last Night!”

February 21, 2019 by

Local resident Virgil Nomo had a busy night last night if you know what I mean, but you probably already heard because he won’t shut up about it.
read more

IV Foot Patrol Arrests Tree for Sitting on Curb

February 12, 2019 by

Protests have begun outside Isla Vista Foot Patrol building after many students have called for the release of Tree, who was arrested outside the building in the early morning of Feb. 2 after falling ...
read more