Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
It’s the first quarter of college. You shake with anticipation, excited as the future of your unsupervised adult life starts now. There is just one thing off about your perfect new life: your new ro...
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Well, UCSB’s Parents Weekend came and went, and things were less than perfect. Parents Weekend is supposed to be a time when we can stop having anxiety attacks from econ, pretend like our social liv...
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While some may turn to compulsively smoking stogies or crying in the library’s egg chairs during stressful times, freshman Daniel Diaz has taken up a record-breaking stress eating habit.
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To all you newbies, freshmen or downright nice human beings who can’t get that shacker out of your bed, here are seven ways to get him or her to become the Angel of the Morning!
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This list features information on special measures exclusively pertaining to life in Isla Vista!
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Isla Vista residents have recently fallen victim to a series of crimes aptly named by this writer, “Monster Mash Window Crashes.” The local Free & For Sale page and the UCSB “meme page” ha...
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We have no hope this Halloween. The fences are high, higher than any of our friends are getting...
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15 minutes into the infamous UCSB versus Cal Poly SLO soccer game, second-year Veronica Dickstein realized that the soccer players weren’t even hot enough to warrant staying any longer than necessar...
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I’m so over being single, so I’ve taken matters into my own hands and decided to make a Tinder. After my first date off the app, I decided to document the type of guy I went out with and it has re...
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Ghouls and witches beware! There is something much scarier creeping upon us this Halloween season.
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Worried that their relentless tabling tactics and guilt-tripping lacked effectiveness, the Santa Barbara chapter of the California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) has announced a new method o...
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Cuffing season is upon us, and with it, the announcements of some sweet Gaucho couplings!
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A heartwarming open letter to a long lost nightclub love...
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Here are the five staples of navigating your freshman year long-distance relationship before it inevitably comes to a sad and pathetic end a month and a half into the school year!
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With rush week recently over and pledge season swinging into full effect, many have found themselves without a brotherhood to call their own. Here’s a list of the five stages of grief you bidless ...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
