Ollie Tabooger / Daily Nexus

Dearest Recruiter,

How are you? How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in two months, but I’m doing fine. Being ghosted is normal for me, so just let me know when you want to talk. I’ll be here!

I wanted to follow-up on my follow-up to my follow-up email. I interviewed with a manager at your firm and had a great conversation — actually, he straight-up told me he loved me and wanted to work with me, SO. Anyway, I just wanted to see if you heard anything back from him. I’ve been patiently awaiting your response!


Don Chawanmi

Ollie Tabooger / Daily Nexus

Hello again Recruiter,

Thank you for getting back to me after two and a half months! I really appreciate you taking the time out of your hectic day and clearly busy quarter to come back around and talk to me, a lowly interviewee. I would love to go in for a third round of interviews, especially since I’ve only interviewed with a single member from your firm!

Please let me know the appropriate procedure following this email.

Thank you,


Ollie Tabooger / Daily Nexus

Dear Recruiter,

I’ve now interviewed a total of four times with your firm. Each conversation I have had has been increasingly encouraging — both the managers and partners have expressed interest in me joining your team.

Again, I am willing to do anything you ask for this job. Please just pay me. I’m desperate. Help me. Please.


Mr. Chawanmi

P.S. Also, your firm is actually great and I REALLY want to work for you. Please!

Ollie Tabooger / Daily Nexus

Hi Recruiter,

You piece of shit.

You made me excited after your recruiting event. Had me wait for three months to finish an interview process that should have concluded in three weeks. Made me hopeful for future employment with your firm. But you just straight-up led me on.

What kind of behavior is this?! Haven’t you ever heard of treating others how you want to be treated? I am only human after all.

I thought we had a connection, but it has now been deeply severed. I don’t know why I took part in this manipulative relationship. You just dragged me along for the ride because you thought I was easy, didn’t you? Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not okay and I am profoundly offended by your fake niceties.

Consider this our official break-up. I know we were never dating, but I felt a connection to you unmatched to anything I’ve experienced in the past. Please know I still respect you, even though I feel you don’t respect me. My loyalty lies with you, and if you ever have an opening for me I will take it because I am emotionally unwell. Anyways, I hope you have a great fucking life without me — but also, I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. Please don’t hate me.

Warmest Regards,

Don Chawanmi


Don Chawanmi hopes to be loved again in the same way this recruiter faked their love to him.