Nexustentialism

January 25, 2019

Plan To Leave Pregame with Friends for Party with Strangers and Terrible Music Still Good with Everyone

By Daniel Carroll

While enjoying a fun gathering of drinks, friendly faces and favorite tunes, everyone was still completely on board for leaving to go to a house party with sex-crazed belligerents and the world’s worst music.

January 24, 2019

Why Bus Rides Are My Favorite Part of UCSB Culture

By Emma Demorest

Sure, UCSB has a lot of great features — the beach, our revered chancellor, that oatmeal they sometimes serve at Portola — but my favorite thing is the bus. There is nothing I love more than standing with 30 other so...

January 23, 2019

Dear Father, The Search for a Husband is Fruitless

By Hannah Jackson

Dearest Father, It is with utter chagrin and sorrow that I must report back such tragic news. I write this letter to you during Winter Quarter of my third (3rd!) year of university and I have yet to find a suitable husba...

January 22, 2019

2019: New Year, Same Me!

By Anat Katzir

“New year, new me” proclamations were made around the world on the first of the month, but here in I.V., I have to admit, it’s been a rough start. So, to combat the possibility of failing my goals, I have lowered m...

January 18, 2019

Budding 21-Year-Old Entrepreneur to Drop Out and Sell Juul Pods to Underage Friends

By Kian Karamdashti

A 3.87 GPA and multiple summer internship offers were not enough to stop third-year student Niko Teene from dropping out and pursuing financial success in selling Juul pods to his underage friends. Teene’s 21st birthda...

January 17, 2019

UCSB Associated Students Presents: Fight Night

By John Jackson

After years of squabbling over Facebook feeds and Nexus comment boards, Associated Students is bringing its tension to the foreground with an evening of bare-knuckle pageantry.

January 16, 2019

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Geed Night

By Sorority Sally

So there have been a lot of rumors and speculation surrounding me and my sorority status. I am HERE to set the masses straight, completely on the record, and a hundred percentile truthful.

January 11, 2019

How To Lose a Frat Guy in 10 Days

By Chad Simpleton

Frat guys are great … OK, maybe some of them are — jury’s out on the rest. Maybe you get lucky and actually find a decent guy with letters who treats you right, or maybe you don’t. Have you ever considered what w...

January 10, 2019

UCSB Responds to CCS Break-in: We Would Never Give them Enough To Be Missing 10k

By Ollie Tabooger

UC Santa Barbara’s College of Creative Studies was burglarized over winter break, according to an email sent out to all of the college’s students earlier this week. The college estimates the loss to be about $10,000....

January 8, 2019

Local, Weak Men Fear Groups of Girls Walking Behind Them

By Johnny Jets

Men’s rights activists everywhere are finally speaking out about the fear and anxiety induced by a group of girls appearing behind them while walking.

January 7, 2019

“Tampons Shouldn’t Be Free,” Cry People Who Don’t Menstruate

By Hannah Jackson

Following a recent announcement that the university will begin offering free menstrual products in the Chi-5 residence halls, a group of offended men emerged from their mothers’ basements and flocked to the internet co...

December 18, 2018

Gaucho Holiday Gift Guide

By Brock Clark

Happy Holidays from us at the Nexus! We here at Nexustentialism know how difficult it can be to get some good gifts for your friends and family here at UCSB, so we thought we’d do you a solid and tell you what we reall...

December 6, 2018

If Loving You is Wrong, Lock Me Up: An RA Love Story

By Annie Pepper

First-year Greg Pitkis made breaking news this week after it was revealed that he and his RA, Emily Robinson, have been carrying on an illicit romance. A close source told the Nexus that Pitkis first began to fall for Ro...

December 5, 2018

UCSB Bans Bikes to Increase Bird Traffic

By Christina Muoio

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, UCSB has decided to ban the use of bicycles on campus bike paths to allow room for Bird scooters, now the preferred method of transportation for UCSB students. In an email sen...

December 4, 2018

Actually, the Daily Nexus isn’t Toilet Paper — It’s Paper Towels Used for Alc Spills

By Nexustentialism Staff

Early last month, a person who doesn’t even go to UCSB made claims at an Associated Students Senate meeting that “the Daily Nexus is really good for toilet paper,” stating further to “please use it to wipe your b...

December 3, 2018

How To Watch Porn in College (Freshmen ONLY)

By Diana Prince

Hello freshmen! Welcome to my first “Sex with Stench” article, a monthly sex advice column I’ll be doing for Nexustentialism. I’ve chosen watching porn as my first topic because I think it serves as a perfect tra...