Nexustentialism

January 18, 2019

Budding 21-Year-Old Entrepreneur to Drop Out and Sell Juul Pods to Underage Friends

By Kian Karamdashti

A 3.87 GPA and multiple summer internship offers were not enough to stop third-year student Niko Teene from dropping out and pursuing financial success in selling Juul pods to his underage friends. Teene’s 21st birthda...

January 17, 2019

UCSB Associated Students Presents: Fight Night

By John Jackson

After years of squabbling over Facebook feeds and Nexus comment boards, Associated Students is bringing its tension to the foreground with an evening of bare-knuckle pageantry.

January 16, 2019

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Geed Night

By Sorority Sally

So there have been a lot of rumors and speculation surrounding me and my sorority status. I am HERE to set the masses straight, completely on the record, and a hundred percentile truthful.

January 11, 2019

How To Lose a Frat Guy in 10 Days

By Chad Simpleton

Frat guys are great … OK, maybe some of them are — jury’s out on the rest. Maybe you get lucky and actually find a decent guy with letters who treats you right, or maybe you don’t. Have you ever considered what w...

January 10, 2019

UCSB Responds to CCS Break-in: We Would Never Give them Enough To Be Missing 10k

By Ollie Tabooger

UC Santa Barbara’s College of Creative Studies was burglarized over winter break, according to an email sent out to all of the college’s students earlier this week. The college estimates the loss to be about $10,000....

January 8, 2019

Local, Weak Men Fear Groups of Girls Walking Behind Them

By Johnny Jets

Men’s rights activists everywhere are finally speaking out about the fear and anxiety induced by a group of girls appearing behind them while walking.

January 7, 2019

“Tampons Shouldn’t Be Free,” Cry People Who Don’t Menstruate

By Hannah Jackson

Following a recent announcement that the university will begin offering free menstrual products in the Chi-5 residence halls, a group of offended men emerged from their mothers’ basements and flocked to the internet co...

December 18, 2018

Gaucho Holiday Gift Guide

By Brock Clark

Happy Holidays from us at the Nexus! We here at Nexustentialism know how difficult it can be to get some good gifts for your friends and family here at UCSB, so we thought we’d do you a solid and tell you what we reall...

December 6, 2018

If Loving You is Wrong, Lock Me Up: An RA Love Story

By Annie Pepper

First-year Greg Pitkis made breaking news this week after it was revealed that he and his RA, Emily Robinson, have been carrying on an illicit romance. A close source told the Nexus that Pitkis first began to fall for Ro...

December 5, 2018

UCSB Bans Bikes to Increase Bird Traffic

By Christina Muoio

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, UCSB has decided to ban the use of bicycles on campus bike paths to allow room for Bird scooters, now the preferred method of transportation for UCSB students. In an email sen...

December 4, 2018

Actually, the Daily Nexus isn’t Toilet Paper — It’s Paper Towels Used for Alc Spills

By Nexustentialism Staff

Early last month, a person who doesn’t even go to UCSB made claims at an Associated Students Senate meeting that “the Daily Nexus is really good for toilet paper,” stating further to “please use it to wipe your b...

December 3, 2018

How To Watch Porn in College (Freshmen ONLY)

By Diana Prince

Hello freshmen! Welcome to my first “Sex with Stench” article, a monthly sex advice column I’ll be doing for Nexustentialism. I’ve chosen watching porn as my first topic because I think it serves as a perfect tra...

November 30, 2018

Hazed and Confused

By Brock Clark

Hazing sucks. Dad did it, America did it, but we don’t anymore … right? There has been a rampant increase in reports of hazing here at UCSB and frankly it makes me sick. Looks like this reporter is gonna pull trig an...

November 29, 2018

Bare Minimum Proving To Be Too Much to Ask of Subleaser

By Ollie Tanasse

In an unsurprising and expected series of events, local Isla Vista resident Jackson Smith has finally realized that asking his subleaser to do the bare minimum has proven to be too much for him to handle. Though the subl...

November 28, 2018

A Retrospective Look on No-Nut November

By Harry Knutts

ISLA VISTA, CALIF. - It’s been all the craze. News reports have been coming out of the woodwork in regards to this year’s No-Nut November.

November 27, 2018

Choose Your Fighter: Section Edition

By Emma Demorest

Section classmates — we all know them, we all love and/or hate them. We’re all forced to spend 50 minutes once a week with them at some point in our undergraduate careers.