Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
In what can only be described as an aggressive marketing tactic, CALPIRG has decided that enough is enough with regard to the disrespect it has taken over the years and wants the student body to know ...
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Local vegan Ian Greenberg shocked friends and family this week when he admitted that — as a vegan — he abstains from eating his own boogers. “Like damn man,” said Ian’s close friend, Greg ...
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A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsize...
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Everyone knows someone who has been affected by the university’s arcade token analog and Bitcoin-ripoff, Gaucho Bucks. Who could forget the June realization that there is an unredeemable $400...
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Reports are streaming in that second-year student Ava Turst reportedly used her roommate’s “goddamn” Brita filter without filling it back up afterwards. This allegation falls in the wake ...
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Having spent the previous weekend at Chico State doing keg stands and shotgunning beers with her son, “cool mom” Karen Smith, proud parent of a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, was thrilled at...
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This is it, the moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived: A philosophy major thought of something. Considering most people only need to take Philosophy 1 to get enough introspection and bleak s...
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Sexy Mountain Lion They say fear and arousal often go hand in hand, so take a page out of Mother Nature’s book and dress up as the newest apex predator to hit the streets of Isla Vista...
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The realities of modern I.V. Halloween conditions drew sharp criticism this week when a temporally displaced traveler drew a comparison between late October Isla Vista and the dystopian world i...
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It’s that time of year again — the skeletons are both spooky and scary, the usually bustling streets of Isla Vista have grown hauntingly quiet and during lecture, you’re surrounded on all...
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As Halloween approaches and annual chain-link fences have suddenly sprung up around I.V. like skeletal sheets rising from their graves, a series of recent investigations have revealed Chancellor Yang ...
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Step 1: Check to see if you have a brain Knock knock! Who’s there? It’s your cerebral cortex, silly! Give your ol’ dome a couple of hearty taps with your knuckles to make sure that little...
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With collective pressure on California universities to better student health services, UCSB’s Counseling and Psychological Services program has launched a groundbreaking “See the Sunny Side...
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Sororities are known for many things — the cult-like, ahem, cute chants and hand signals, the iconic squat and, of course, a homogenous hue of golden-to-brassy heads. Brilliantly, however, UC...
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Like any true Gaucho, you probably love two things: peacefully enjoying the beautiful, awe-inspiring nature our tranquil golden coast provides us and getting shit-faced. But when the plandles pile up ...
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“Greased Lightnin’” from “Grease”
Sunset waltz from “La La Land”
“Thriller” by Michael Jackson
Frat flick
“Macarena” by Los Del Río
“Gangnam Style” by PSY
“Swan Lake” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Renegade
“Cell Block Tango” from “Chicago”
“The Last Text” from “Dance Moms”
Flossing
All of “Hamilton”
