Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Raccoon Trash Lord Grows Stronger Every Time You Litter

January 27, 2017 by

Juniper’s origin is unknown, but what is known is that he controls the greater Isla Vista area through his networks of trash.
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Trump Appoints Stanford Tree Head of U.S. Forest Service

January 26, 2017 by

“This is a guy who knows trees and the problems that they face,” said President Trump.
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Chancellor Yang Washed Away by Floods

January 23, 2017 by

It would appear that he first got caught in the flood around Storke Tower and has since been seen floating down Del Playa, holding on to a rogue surfboard.
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Satan Declines Invitation to Trump Inauguration

January 18, 2017 by

“I was told that ‘literally Hitler’ would be sworn in. I know Hitler; he’s a good friend of mine. This guy is no Hitler; he doesn’t even have the mustache,”
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Local Gluten-Free Crossfit Trainer Takes Vow of Silence, Leaves Scientific Community Uprooted

January 12, 2017 by

In what will certainly go down as a cornerstone development of the 21st century, scientists at the University of Science in Siberia met Monday morning to discuss the unthinkable.
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Top 7 Internships For College Students in 2017

January 8, 2017 by

Internships. The elusive, ever ethereal precursors to one’s midsummer night’s dream job on Mount Olympus with froyo on tap.
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10 Things the Elf on the Shelf Overheard During the Holidays

January 4, 2017 by

This festive little buddy comes out to decorate the house with candy canes and lights and does more than just overlook from his perch.
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6 Trends That Need To Make a Comeback in 2017

December 30, 2016 by

2017 is the year we stop normalizing unrealistic stereotypical roles for minors so we can diversify our content and profit off of more child stars.
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Santa Rescued from Sinking Sleigh by Heroic Surfers

December 25, 2016 by

“At first I couldn’t believe it,” second-year environmental studies Joseph Wilkins, one of the rescuers, said.
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Sorority Sally’s Top 10 All-Time Favorite Christmas Songs

December 20, 2016 by

Before you begin wondering why there’s no Mariah Carey or Michael Bublé included on this list, you have to remember that these are my favorite Christmas songs.
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How To Avoid People from High School 101

December 17, 2016 by

You thought you would never see them again after you threw your cap in the air, but if you go home for the holidays, you are bound to see at least 60 percent of your graduating class at some point.
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Overheard in the Library

December 13, 2016 by

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas season, finals season. At least it was. But now, the library is empty and we move on with our lives.
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22 Last Minute Ways to Raise Your Grade

December 6, 2016 by

Do not sleep. At all. It slows down the brain and prevents further learning.
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Friendship Manor Gives Up on Noise Ordinance, Throws Rager Instead

November 30, 2016 by

The drinks were flowing all night as slutty nurses spoon-fed the elderly residents Jell-O shots, and orderlies laced their oxygen tanks with dank kush.
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Professor Only Curses To Impress Freshmen

November 27, 2016 by

Students have claimed that his casual F-bombs and “shits” don't make his second-rate retelling of elementary school history any more interesting.
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