Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Student Rushing Kappa Kappa Kappa Doesn’t Realize the Klan is not a Frat

October 25, 2016 by

“They were always wearing their robes and hoods, they chanted. I thought that’s what Greek organizations did.”
read more

Even Sorority Sally Registered to Vote

October 24, 2016 by

If you’re a local unregistered GDI who wants to go around bashing sorority girls, then THINK AGAIN.
read more

Celebratory Soccer Tortillas Recycled to Portola Dining

October 20, 2016 by

“The grass blades and dirt specks complement the lettuce and meat quite nicely,” said Portola Chef Bruno Moretti.
read more

Report: Snoop Dogg, Rick Astley Among Future Nobel Laureates

October 19, 2016 by

“Dogg consumes so much hash that he is the physical manifestation of peace."
read more

QUIZ: When Will You Peak?

October 18, 2016 by

After you hit that point, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. Take this incredibly important and accurate test to figure out the trajectory of your life so you can plan accordingly.
read more

The Essential Isla Vista Fashion Guide

October 15, 2016 by

Most seasoned Gauchos have learned these lessons the hard way, but even the most experienced partiers can learn from these useful tips for getting ready before your next rager.
read more

Freshman Still Circling Roundabout 3 Weeks Later

October 13, 2016 by

“Eh, I think I’ll just take a couple more laps to be safe, those bikers really come out of nowhere.”
read more

A Philosophical Reading of The Kardashians

October 11, 2016 by

Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, and Kapitalism: a klose konceptual look at important social issues, addressed by the foremost thinkers of our time.
read more

Left or Right, Get Hammered Tonight: A Presidential Debate Drinking Game

October 9, 2016 by

If global warming isn't real, neither is alcohol poisoning.
read more

What Does Your Lecture Hall Seat Say About You?

October 7, 2016 by

You can tell a lot about a person from their official unassigned spot.
read more

Summer Tour Guide Spotted Still Walking Backward

October 5, 2016 by

Greyson Phillips has not stopped walking backward since his last University-sanctioned campus tour well over a month ago.
read more

Beating Festival FOMO: 8 New Events Selling Overpriced Day Passes

October 3, 2016 by

For those of you who missed Coachella, you may have experienced a bout of FOMO, or the “fear of missing out.”
read more

Professor Creates Add Code Competition, Mass Casualties Ensue

September 30, 2016 by

The competition consists of four stages: a chariot race, a steel cage wrestling match, jousting, and finally a multiple choice exam.
read more

Unsure Student Desperately Searches for Confirmation They’re in Correct Classroom

September 28, 2016 by

"If someone in front of me could pull up their G.O.L.D. or write the class title on the top of their page, I would feel a lot better right now."
read more

Sorority Sally Goes 2 Weeks Without Social Media, Narrowly Survives

September 26, 2016 by

Day 3: Have re-activated Facebook accidentally through Spotify. The whole chapter has been fined for my negligence, and my Spotify privileges have been revoked.
read more