Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Who’s Leading The Write-In Vote?

November 8, 2016 by

The only place your third party vote will actually count.
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Trump Releases List of Demands After Holding American Intellectualism Hostage for a Year

November 8, 2016 by

While a multitude of world leaders have championed for its release, many Americans have agreed never to “negotiate with terrorists,” while others report not being aware of its departure in the fir...
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Landmark Measure to Turn Entire Campus into Bike Lane Passes

November 7, 2016 by

It is still relatively unclear to most as to what initially spurred the groundbreaking initiative to even be placed on the 2016-17 ballot.
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What Your Latest Urban Outfitters Purchase Says About You

November 5, 2016 by

So many overpriced merchandise options for you to regret later, so little time.
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6 Steps to Surviving Parents Weekend

November 4, 2016 by

After six weeks of glorious freedom and no one but your roommates to judge you for your bad life decisions, the parental units will be in I.V. in full force this weekend.
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From Frightening to Festive: 7 Ways to Repurpose Halloween Decorations

November 4, 2016 by

Consider dressing up your plastic skeleton as Santa Claus as a humerus spin on the holiday season.
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The 7 Best Scented Candles to Bite into this Fall

November 2, 2016 by

Autumn is in full swing, and we know you are all looking to get a taste of the fall essence.
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QUIZ: How Spooked Are You?

October 30, 2016 by

BOO! Oh, you didn’t really flinch … This is awkward.
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New Businesses in Running To Replace Empty Void Left by Jimmy John’s

October 28, 2016 by

Your "free smells" may be gone from the corner of Pardall, but they'll always be in our hearts.
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6 Important Measures to Vote on in Isla Vista

October 26, 2016 by

With the voter registration deadline now passed and election day only two weeks away, now seems as good a time as any to get informed about what we’re voting on!
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Student Rushing Kappa Kappa Kappa Doesn’t Realize the Klan is not a Frat

October 25, 2016 by

“They were always wearing their robes and hoods, they chanted. I thought that’s what Greek organizations did.”
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Even Sorority Sally Registered to Vote

October 24, 2016 by

If you’re a local unregistered GDI who wants to go around bashing sorority girls, then THINK AGAIN.
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Celebratory Soccer Tortillas Recycled to Portola Dining

October 20, 2016 by

“The grass blades and dirt specks complement the lettuce and meat quite nicely,” said Portola Chef Bruno Moretti.
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Report: Snoop Dogg, Rick Astley Among Future Nobel Laureates

October 19, 2016 by

“Dogg consumes so much hash that he is the physical manifestation of peace."
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QUIZ: When Will You Peak?

October 18, 2016 by

After you hit that point, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. Take this incredibly important and accurate test to figure out the trajectory of your life so you can plan accordingly.
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