Sources confirmed yesterday that an upper division physics professor, who has asked to remain anonymous, has hired a handful of retired WWE wrestlers to challenge students in cage-match-style combat.
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The start of the new Spring Quarter brought about the usual chaos of students changing sections, crashing classes and purchasing textbooks. In an effort to combat this recurring calamity, Film Studies...
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You reach for your nightstand, open the drawer and BAM: no rubbers.
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“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.
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It has become common practice to dress up for the holiday with varying degrees of effort. Here’s a few examples of what your St. Paddy’s Day outfit says about you:
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Do: Practice being respectful. Don’t: Get caught up saying yes to all the Arbor's tablers.
Do: Grab a coffee at Cajé. Don’t: Scooter to Campbell Hall.
Do: Self-reflection. Don’t: Wear flip-flops to your 9 a.m. class.
Do: Go to CLAS. Don’t: Keep spending money at Freebirds.
Do: Watch a peaceful Campus Point sunrise. Don’t: Slap your ex on DP.
Do: Give a new coffee spot a chance. Don’t: “Sleep through” your 8 a.m. class. Again.
Do: Take a moment to breathe. Don’t: Flake on your Hinge date.
Do: Use your dining hall plan. Don’t: Scroll through GauchoGuys during lecture.
Do: Visit your TA. Don’t: Use Thriftopia as an excuse to binge spend.
Do: Start applying to internships. Don’t: Hook up on campus.
Do: Bow down to Chancellor Yang when you see him. Don’t: Fall off your bike.
Do: Pick up the Daily Nexus. Don’t: Ignore your parents’ texts.
