Fuck You, Flavored Cream Cheese

January 2, 2020 by

Straight up: flavored cream cheese can fuck all the way off. Simply put, we should all have a personal vendetta against this creamy, bullshit concoction designed to ruin the pristine delicacy that is ...
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Students Redefine ‘Facing off’ Over Halloween Concert Ticket Sales

October 28, 2017 by

Since tickets are now linked with ACCESS cards and ASPB members are patrolling Free & For Sale like over-eager hawks, student’s have now taken to fully assuming the identity of fellow Gauchos to be ...
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USMNT Failure To Have Far Reaching Implications on Me Specifically

October 11, 2017 by

The US Men's soccer team has failed to qualify for next summer's world cup and Jenny both doesn't want to talk about it, yet can't stop talking about it.
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Student Purchases Dad Hat, Embraces Fatherhood

June 14, 2017 by

Share with the dads in your life.
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The Definitive Chancellor Yang Trivia Quiz

June 5, 2017 by

After feasting on some delicious little sandwiches and pasta salad, we asked the main man the questions that really mattered.
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Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

March 22, 2017 by and

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.
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New Plans to Deal With DP Cliff-Slide Risk

February 2, 2017 by

Recent events surrounding the cliffslide and mandatory demolition at 6653 Del Playa have seen a shift in the design philosophy of oceanside property owners.
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‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Preview

August 2, 2016 by and

Nexustentialism gives an exclusive preview of some of the key players in the upcoming season of "Bachelor in Paradise."
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Bernie Supporters Shocked Most Popular Candidate Won Nomination

July 29, 2016 by

Several of those formerly feeling the Bern halfheartedly gave in, apathetically tweeting, "I guess I'm #WithHer now."
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IVFP to Ramp Up Security at Deltopia

April 1, 2016 by

When news broke that horse-mounted police would not be used at this year's Deltopia festivities, it was met with excitement from local students. However, this apparent détente may be short-lived...
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UCSB Students Disregard E. Coli Breakout, Pay The $1.95 to Add Guac

January 24, 2016 by

GOLETA — A newly released study conducted by a special University student-focused division of the Pew Research Center has found widespread apathy in regards to the health risks associated with Chipo...
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A Breakup Letter to Trader Joe’s

November 12, 2015 by

Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
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