Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

September 28, 2016

Unsure Student Desperately Searches for Confirmation They’re in Correct Classroom

By Jasmine Vaughn

"If someone in front of me could pull up their G.O.L.D. or write the class title on the top of their page, I would feel a lot better right now."

September 26, 2016

Sorority Sally Goes 2 Weeks Without Social Media, Narrowly Survives

By Sorority Sally

Day 3: Have re-activated Facebook accidentally through Spotify. The whole chapter has been fined for my negligence, and my Spotify privileges have been revoked.

September 23, 2016

Week of Welcome Events That Didn’t Wow

By Emily Anne Williams

Llamas & Lupus, Chips for Lips, and Moonlight Milk are all bygone welcome events that have come and gone on campus.

September 19, 2016

How to Speak UCSB in 6 Easy Steps

By Ariana Marmolejo

When you go to the library, tell your friends you’re, “going to the lib.” If you want to initiate a fist bump, yell, “fist me, bro!”

September 8, 2016

Mattress Theft On the Rise as The Chainsmokers Glorify Being an Asshole to Your Roommate

By Jasmine Vaughn

One victim of theft reported "the worst part is she took the sheets, too, and I bet she doesn't even keep them pulled over the corners."

August 28, 2016

Surefire Ways to Gain the Freshman 15

By Gia Cephal

As much as we upperclassmen want to diss you for asking where the Del Playa is, drinking all our alcohol and posting semi-clothed Instas with the caption “Halloween is lit,” we know we will get our comeuppance when t...

August 23, 2016

5 Tips for Freshmen Still Suffering from Post-High-School Stress Disorder

By Emily Anne Williams

Need some tips on how to make your first year not suck? Don’t worry, we gaucho back.

August 19, 2016

Quiz: Which STD Are You?

By A. Realdoctor

The original game of "Gotta catch 'em all!"

August 12, 2016

5 Student Resource Services You’ve Been Neglecting, You Complete Fool

By Emily Anne Williams

The Student Resource Building (SRB) is a magical wonderland filled with dreams and opportunities. We all know about CLAS, EOP and the Disabled Students Program, but did you know about these?

August 8, 2016

Stuck in Pallet Town? Join Team Rocket!

By Nik Frey

I wanna be the very best / like no one ever was. / But I’m stuck here in Pallet Town, / a dreamer with no cause.

August 5, 2016

Sophomore Slump Now Entering 7th Quarter

By Jasmine Vaughn

As fall 2016 approaches, incoming seniors are left looking at their life and the choices that have led them here.

August 2, 2016

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Preview

By Erin Lubitz, Jenny De La Cuadra

Nexustentialism gives an exclusive preview of some of the key players in the upcoming season of "Bachelor in Paradise."

August 1, 2016

5 Takeaways From the Democratic National Convention

By Emily Anne Williams

The nation’s focus was on Philadelphia last week as the Democratic Party held their convention to nominate Hillary Clinton as their official 2016 presidential candidate. Here's 5 things you need to know: