Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

April 14, 2016

An Open Letter from a Struggling Bio Student

By Gia Cephal

No matter how many times I mention the acronyms MCDB or EEMB, people don’t understand.

April 12, 2016

Incoming Freshman Outbreak Threatens To Overrun UCSB

By Zoey Brandt

Hordes of high school seniors swarmed campus following the release of a virus known as "letters of admission."

April 11, 2016

5 Movies That Need To Be Made

By Zoey Brandt

Every year, it seems like the same movies are released over and over again just under different names. Here are my suggestions that I think would mix things up a bit...

April 9, 2016

12 Romantic Dates on an Isla Vista Budget

By Alexandra Retter

This weekend, treat your special someone to something special while only exerting minimal effort!

April 6, 2016

Keeping Your Frat Meter Filled at the Homestead

By Fraternity Phil

Your OG residence may feel like being in a jail cell on a dry campus, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get lit.

April 1, 2016

IVFP to Ramp Up Security at Deltopia

By Jenny De La Cuadra

When news broke that horse-mounted police would not be used at this year's Deltopia festivities, it was met with excitement from local students. However, this apparent détente may be short-lived...

March 30, 2016

What Kind of Roommate Are You?

By Erin Lubitz

Spring Quarter's here and it’s time to ask a few of the important questions: Can I take less units and still (kinda) graduate on time? Is Gaucho Ball exercise? And, what kind of roommate am I?

March 18, 2016

Dangerous New Drinking Game Uncovered in IV

By Emily Williams

On March 17, 2016, Santa Barbara Police and Fire responded to a number of 911 calls on the 67 block of Del Playa. As a result of one such call, an unnamed student was transferred to Cottage Hospital after reportedly suff...

March 15, 2016

Thoughts We Have During Finals Week

By Erin Lubitz

It’s finally finals week and let’s be real, you’re just one Top Ramen meal away from internal combustion. You’re faced with final papers and studying you should've started a week ago, your mind is racing...

March 11, 2016

Dementor Invasion Results in Unusual I.V. Weather

By A. Gaucho

Rain, fog and evil spirits bring a new meaning to Dead Week.

March 9, 2016

Essential New Vocab for Staying Fresh with the Youths

By Jake Feder

Bae is hella af when you're fleeking in the trap!1!

March 4, 2016

The Official Drunchies Drunkenness Scale

By A. Gaucho

The only reason you remember getting Freebs is because you saw your nachos again the next morning.

March 1, 2016

If the Presidential Election was like ‘The Bachelor’

By Erin Lubitz

With Super Tuesday upon us and The Bachelor coming to a close, Erin Lubitz looks at how these two tales of yelling, foreign policy knowledge, and valor aren't really that different after all.