Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

July 11, 2016

10 Types of People You Left in Your Hometown

By Emily Anne Williams

Sometimes we get so caught up in exams, essays and labs that we don’t remember anything else. We forget that not everyone made it out of our wretched hometowns.

July 8, 2016

What Will These Photos of Clouds Reveal About Your Personality?

By Jake Feder

Reveal new truths about your deepest self through the most accurate personality quiz known to mankind as of ten minutes ago.

July 6, 2016

5 Ways to Take Advantage of the California Wildfires

By Emily Anne Williams

It's officially wildfire season, but don't let the large scale burning of property and nature get you down! Here are 5 great ways to take advantage of this underrated summertime staple.

June 27, 2016

Freshman Returns Home for Summer, Is Terrible

By Ariana Marmolejo

Thanks to three quarters of undergrad, Nelson claims to have learned much on topics ranging from plate tectonics and statistics to Jägermeister, marijuana and having sex all the time.

June 20, 2016

PETA Mistakes Freebirds for Poultry Activism Group, Backpedals After Seeing Nachos

By Emily Williams

Earlier this year, the group publicly endorsed the restaurant for its “pro-bird activism,” despite the fact that no member had set foot inside the establishment.

May 30, 2016

Clinton, Sanders Drop Out of Race, Chancellor Yang Set To Run

By Gia Cephal

A regular superhero, Yang plans to fulfill his duties as chancellor for the remainder of the year while simultaneously running a full-fledged campaign.

May 24, 2016

Haikus to Student Health

By Zoey Brandt

A series of Haikus dedicated to the unique experience of going to Student Health.

May 19, 2016

Quiz: Which UCSB Lecture Hall Are You?

By Zoey Brandt

Now you can sort everyone into a new set of arbitrary labels to your heart’s content.

May 17, 2016

New Starbucks in the UCen: Proposed UCSB-Themed Secret Menu

By Erin Lubitz

With a new Starbucks location coming to the UCSB campus, it's time to take a look at some proposed off-the-menu options.

May 13, 2016

Friday the 13th Is Coming For You

By Sir Spooks-a-Lot

Inescapable curses await you if you dare to step outside today.

May 11, 2016

To Taste Portola: A Flavorscape

By Ariana Marmolejo

This week in the review that no one asked for, I will be analyzing the flavorscape of UCSB’s infamous dining common, Portola.

May 9, 2016

Sorority Sally vs. Frat Phil: Top Netflix Picks for Every Sitch

By Sorority Sally, Fraternity Phil

We dive all up in our young Netflix queues to give you some fiery suggestions for all your basic lit-uations.

May 6, 2016

Kardashians Spell Doom for Democracy, Says Professor

By Erin Lubitz

He decided that America had failed him and that the American political system was so overrun by E! News and Bravo that there was no chance for it to ever be resurrected.